One Day

Pain seems to magnify a thousand times during the time we are experiencing it. That's why they say minutes feel like hours when we encounter negative situations, no? Dull aching, coupled with complete silence, makes it seem as though time will drag forever, or has already been frozen for a long time. 

"One day, after the countless tears that have fallen before, you will eventually wipe away that last tear, blink back the rest, and learn not to cry because of sadness again. 

One day, you will finally remember how it feels like to put a smile on your face, a genuine one, not forced, not false. And while you look cheerful on the outside, so will happiness be radiating from deep within your heart, like ripples on the water after a stone has been thrown, so infectious that people around you start smiling as well.

One day, you will dig out all those angst-y letters you have written all those times you felt like there was no more meaning to life anymore. A whole stack of them, tens of them. One by one, you open them up, re-read them although you already know what's imprinted on each and every piece of yellow paper. You will scoff at yourself for being an over-dramatic drama queen, laugh at how silly you were to have been tormented by those potential life-changing issues, which now look foolishly trivial. With resolution, you tear them into little pieces, ripping them apart until the memories begin to fly away, just like the hundred tiny pieces of paper, stained with blue ink, fluttering into the wastepaper bin. 

One day, you will find the energy to press the play button on that long-forgotten playlist of songs you absolutely loved. You will dance and sing along as loudly as you can to those familiar tunes, straining hard to listen to how the acoustic guitar and the drums were being played, counting each beat like you used to do so often, a habit that can't be gotten rid of. You look at the pile of CDs that are the sappy love songs, depressing and heartbreaking compositions, the music you listened to in the darkest moments. You can't throw them away, because they mark a point in your life that you once considered important, just not significant now. You stash them in the furthest corner of the cupboard, the melodies imprinted in your mind permanently, but the feelings attached to them slowly but surely fading away. 

One day, you will look around you and realize every single person who loves you, and has always been there to encourage you. And you will surely know, that it's time to give back some of your love, and care for them in return. 

One day, you will find yourself not tied down by the past anymore. That will be the day that you are free."

#30daychallenge Day 8

Since today was a really slack day, I shall post something a little less philosophical (if my earlier posts could be categorized as that) and more fun!

#30daychallenge Day 8

10 things that make you feel warm and fuzzy

Here goes the 10 things right off the top of my head!

1. Cuddling with Maomao, my Panda Pillow Pet

2. Staying up late at night, with only the glow from the computer, listening to the occasional car zoom past on the highway beside my house. Other than that, total silence really gives me a comforting feel. 

3. For now, falling asleep listening to classics, old school pop songs, and Chinese emo-nemo but thought-provoking songs, and waking up to them in the middle of the night. 

4. Thinking of all the countries I will travel to in the near future and roughly planning out itineraries really give me cheap thrills and something to look forward to.

5. Chilling with the people I love at random, tiny rustic cafes and eating Carbonara. Fun fact: If I have no idea what to eat at a restaurant, I would probably pick Carbonara because I have a knack for tasty white cream pasta that looks pretty. Or chilling with the people I love practically anywhere, even if its at the hawker center, I really don't mind. 

6. Sleeping the day away especially when it is raining and I can hear the wind howling and the trees swaying right outside my window. I remember a particular day when there was a light drizzle, I peeked out my window and saw baby sparrows being blown about by the wind, yet they flapped their wings twice as hard and managed to roost safely on a tree branch. I don't know why, but that gave me a really fuzzy feeling.

7. This is unhealthy, but recalling the past and feeling a wave of nostalgia rush past me every once in a while. I tend to over-think at night, and somehow reminiscing in the night magnifies that warm, familiar feeling by tens of times. 

8. Being with my grandmother, anywhere, anytime. It doesn't matter if I'm just chilling at her house (where I am most of the time), watching decade-old Pokemon videos with her and helping her prepare the most delicious home-cooked dishes, or outside eating at slightly pricier restaurants, as long as she's there, I feel right at home. 

9. Cuddling in bed with a book and finishing it in one sitting. Absolutely appreciate good books and can never tear my eyes off them if I don't need to. 

10. Watching classic movies. And rather than finding new movies to watch, I always go back to those classics. One case in point: Titanic. Never grows old. And even though those popular movies make me cry every single time, I feel a deep sense of fuzziness every time I watch them. 

Hope you had as much fun reading as I had writing this post! Something more light-hearted (: Posting this in the morning cos my computer died on me last night. Good morning everyone! x.

Screw all that.

Tonight, I don't want to think explicitly about what I want to write on this space.

I don't want to go through what I have written, again and again to ensure my punctuation, sentence structures are perfectly in place and are coherent.

I don't want to vet my post to make sure it looks visually appealing and digestible to whoever is reading this.

I just want to type, type until all these feelings go away. I absolutely hate feeling uncertain and unsure about nothing in particular at all. It is indeed strange how a feeling that you have felt hundreds of times over can spill out once again, presenting itself as an entirely new package, and tricks your brain into thinking that it IS a different, unique raw emotion. I know this sounds like pure nonsense, I know everyone goes through periods of time when their feeling seem to be all over the place, but I just need somewhere to lay all of these out, one by one.

Sometimes, there's someone on your mind, you want to pour out every single detail of your life to them. But when you turn around, you realize they just aren't there. Not physically, not emotionally, they're not even nearby. And then when you finally realize that you are helpless to change anything that's happening around you, you feel the crappy feelings starting to sink in. And that's exactly how I feel tonight. I will be back with a proper, thought-triggering post soon, but tonight, let me use this space to seek a certain solace.

Thank you.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.

#30daychallenge Day 7

HELLO EVERYBODY!
I am finally back from a week's summer break in Taiwan, and I am thinking of doing a sole post on my experience. Still need to gather and categorize all the thoughts that are swimming around in my mind right now, but to put it in the most simplest of terms, Taiwan has been amazing, even with a daily dose of unhappiness along the way. I wouldn't trade that one week for anything else in the world, really.

Anyway! I did promise a post when I got back, and here it is! I don't really know whether anyone reads my blog, but I choose to believe in the positive, so a big hello to all of you that bother to click onto this space once in a while! I know that I have been really behind in writing, and I apologize for that. Will try to fit in more posts here alright?

I brought along a journal on my trip, in case my fingers started itching, and right when I boarded the plane, I started scribbling in my horrible handwriting already. I couldn't sleep because the plane's machinery was too noisy, and the seat space was too cramped, so I spent that few hours in the dim lights with my pen and paper. I'm just gonna transfer whatever I have written onto here, so here goes!

Day 7's topic for my #30daychallenge was to describe a feeling that never goes old a.k.a a feeling which you wouldn't mind experiencing over and over again. I really thought long and hard about this, because on a daily basis, we already feel a myriad of feelings right? This one struck me the most in a special way. Enjoy!

2nd July, 2013. 
1.31am

I once wrote somewhere that there were 2 feelings I loved to experience, yet I don't get to do that on a regular basis. They are the feelings that come when a plane takes off and when a plane lands. It is currently 1.30am, and I am currently on an aircraft bound for Taipei, Taiwan. I'm actually having mixed feelings about this trip somehow.. but for now, anticipation is at an all-time high. I miss everyone back home already, but that's another story for another time. 

Let's come back to my main point, shall we? Barely 25 minutes ago, the plane I'm on took off from Singapore's renowned Changi Airport. When I was a kid, I used to be really scared of planes, so the minute the plane I was on started taking off, I would squeeze my eyes shut, pop some sweets into my mouth, imagine I was somewhere else and willed the time to go faster for the plane to stabilize itself in the air. This time though, I kept my eyes open. I could see everything around me. 

I saw the plane rumble onto the runway. 
I saw the people around me doing what I did when I was a small child, all of them had their eyes closed and most of them had even fallen fast asleep. 

I felt the plane pick up speed as the wheels dragged along the tar road. And the moment when the plane's wheels left the ground, I tried to suppress my fears, and I peeped out the window. 

What greeted me was beautiful. We were flying above the sea, and there were countless ships and boats, strewn like litter across a wide expanse of water. Their lights were on, and they looked like toy lanterns scattered on the floor. Like the ones I saw in Phuket, Thailand, when it was the Loy Krathong festival and hundreds of lanterns were let go into the dark sea. I looked behind me, and the sunny island, which was engulfed in a blanket of night darkness, was lit up by a million tiny lights. I could make out buildings, roads and even tiny vehicles that were driving on the streets. Where were they headed to? 

5 minutes passed, and I could see the lights no more. Even now, as I look beneath me, all I see is darkness. Lights, to me, are a compass, guiding people to their destinations. But at least for this moment, I can't pinpoint my bearings at all. Yet, I feel surprisingly calm and peaceful. I love being in the air. 

See you in 3 and a half hours, Taipei. 

Thank you for reading, all of you. It's really much appreciated. (:

Byebye!

A thousand apologies for abandoning this space, I am really sorry! Will be leaving for Taiwan later tonight for a week, but I promise I will continue my #30daychallenge while I'm on holiday there! I even packed my notebook with me so that I will remind myself to write!

Am quite excited for the trip actually, praying that all goes well! And my camera, and Maomao are as ready as me! So long guys, see you all in a week!

Take care!