The Gaps.

I'm so sorry I have neglected this tiny space here! Have been busy with camps and work, but here I am now! I just returned from a church camp in Desaru, and was it a great time of bonding with the church mates, and a handy short getaway from Singapore. I wrote a short piece on the coach bus back to the island, because I couldn't sleep, looked out the window and was inspired by scene after scene of fields, patchy plains and the endless stretching bright blue sky. Enjoy!

The world-famous actor gazed out at the individual silhouettes sitting in the audience. Beyond the bright spotlights shining on the stage, and more specifically at him, he could roughly make out the standing figures in the audience, each one's shadows reverberating onto the walls of the darkened theater. The most outstanding thing in the wide room were the sounds. He grinned, just like he had done a hundred times over, as he watched and listened to the standing ovation he was now receiving. Minutes passed, and he took a final bow as the lights dimmed, and he walked off the stage. The musical that had won countless international awards had come to an end in the biggest theatrical hall in the city, and people began to file out. The lights turned off one by one, and soon, the theater was in darkness, save for a small backlight illuminating its glow from the back of the stage. Silence. 

Slowly, a small hunched over figure shuffled slowly onto the stage, which was still littered with glitter; part of the props for the glamorous performance that ended just moments ago. The cleaner had been working in the theater for most of her elderly life, and her wrinkled face scrunched up as she squinted her small eyes in the darkness, broom in her hand, trying her best to sweep up the remnants of the rubbish left lying on the ground.  Her back ached, but she was so used to it that it didn't matter much anymore. She worked as best as she could, the backlight guiding her to the best of its ability. She hurried to finish er duty so she could return home to her grandchildren. They were the most adorable kids, a boy and a girl, both at tender young ages. Her children were high-flying business people, and they thought it convenient to deposit their children at her apartment, leaving them under her care, while they left the nest to pursue fervently what the world had to offer them.

The famous actor, together with his fellow cast members, laughed over cups of steaming coffee and mochas in the most expensive cafe in the tiny town, without any cares in the world. They made a toast, congratulating each other on another successful job done, their hearts comforted at the mere thought of the fortunes they had added to their bank accounts. Yet they thought this normal, they were so accustomed to this type of luxurious life that it had become nothing but a normality, a routine they were willing to conform to again and again. 

Just days later, the elderly woman received her monthly paycheck from her manager. It was a miserably small salary, for the theater could not afford to pay her any more. She gratefully receives it, nonetheless, glad that it would come in handy for paying the bills for the month. There was even some money left over to buy her grandson that toy train he had been begging for for weeks. She smiled and left the theater with a warm smile, her aged bony fingers clutching tightly onto the envelope that contained the couple hundred dollar bills. She held on as if it were treasure. 

People always pursue the glamorous life that is projected so often and so typically on our TV screens and the Internet. Let's ask ourselves, who doesn't want to lead glitzy lives of luxury? In the pursuit of something 'better' - better careers, better lives, better opportunities, we may have blocked out the widening gap that is characteristic of humankind from our sight. Inequality doesn't seem like a problem simply because riches and ambitions make it difficult for poverty to be noticed by us. Success holds a positive connotation, but when we stop and think just a bit deeper and more carefully, doesn't it bring more harm than good actually? Intensifying divides even further than they already are means that achievements of the outstanding are duly recognized in society, but it also means that the people without the means to make themselves heard are entirely excluded from all the hype. When they coined the term two sides to a coin (no pun intended), this must be it. Next question to ask ourselves, what can we actually do about it? 

When I was in primary school, someone once told me "Sometimes, instead of sleeping on an incredibly long train or bus ride, we should spend that time more wisely. Open your eyes, look around you, admire the beautiful scenery that passes you by, and think, for these times are the perfect opportunities to think wholeheartedly, with nothing to distract you except yourself."

That journey back to Singapore, I thought, and I am thankful for whatever I have been blessed with. How true. Thank you for reading! 

Rain.

Things of nature respond positively to the rain. Flowers, trees, leaves, they eagerly reach out to touch the gently falling drops coming from the sky.

Even the tiny cute bullfrog living beside the playground on the ground floor near my block of flats hops around with joy when rain falls . Birds splash in puddles and lap up the water on the ground, chirping at the top of their voices.

Humans, on the other hand, curse loudly when they hear the rumbling thunder and see the first flashes of lightning. They run desperately to seek shelter from the rain, and they put up umbrellas, frowning and complaining about how the bad weather hinders their existing plans.

Why this difference in responses to something so natural?

P.s Sorry for my absence on this space! Have been really tired out from work lately. Will post more over the weekend! ^^

Wanting what we can't have

The small boy stood at the side of the road, listening to the bustling traffic rushing past in the mid-day afternoon sun. Everyone and everything was whizzing by him at such a quick pace that it seemed a blur to his tiny frame. A man, who was much taller and bigger in size, walked past in a frenzy and accidentally shoved him, but continued on without so much as a glance behind him to see if the boy was alright. But it didn't matter.

The boy's ocean blue eyes were fixated on the smoothie stall in front of him. There were a myriad of colorful fruits, all beckoning him to taste how delicious they were. Strawberries, mangoes, apples, there were even exotic fruits like hairy-skinned rambutans that stared back at him. The stall had been located beside his house for as long as he could remember, and everyday after school, he would never fail to walk past it, smell the fragrance coming from the small push cart, and see the young vendor churn out delicious-looking smoothies and fruit shakes with such finesse.

"Look, but don't touch."

The boy was reminded of this everyday. It was disappointing to see the vendor serve other customers with a bright smile on her face, and he would stare as the other little boys and girls around him extended their hands eagerly to receive the drinks, and then gulp it down in a flash, grinning from ear to ear as they exclaimed how tasty the shakes were. The whole time, he would be sitting on the bench nearby, imagining what his ideal smoothie would taste like; it would be a blend of strawberries and mango, the two fruits he loved best in the world. The weather had been atrocious lately, even the 5 minute walk home from school had him perspiring like crazy. How awesome it would be to cool down with a tropical drink!

He knew it was out of his reach. He had 50 pence a day for his allowance, and that was all his family could afford, what with his father recently being retrenched from his work. His mother was a home-maker, and because she could not contribute money to the household, she had tried to tighten the family's purse instead so they could have a reasonable amount of savings to tide them over. After having his meals of a sandwich and a cup of orange juice in his school's tiny tuck shop, he barely had even 10 pence left in his pockets. As he watched the hoards of happy children digging out coins from their bags to buy the smoothies, he could only stare in jealousy.

It was a particularly unbearable hot and stuffy summer day. The heat made everyone grumpy and hot-tempered, but not him. He grinned as he held a large cup of strawberry-mango smoothie, topped with an extra dose of raspberry syrup and a slice of lemon. Water droplets were dripping down the sides of the cup, freezing his hands in an instant. But he was far from feeling uncomfortable; it was in fact a wonderful sensation. The heat seemed to be unable to dampen his spirits, and he took his first swig of the fruity beverage. It tasted like heaven and he had never felt so joyful consuming a drink in his entire life. He swung his backpack over his shoulder, tiny fingers still clutching tightly to the cup. Hello Summer, he thought, smiling widely. Smoothie Summer. 

#30daychallenge Day 5!

This was what I wrote yesterday for my #30daychallenge hehe! I'm finding this project more and more fun, so bear with me if my posts get longer and longer. Here is the (slightly edited) post, fresh from yesterday!

 A Song To Match Your Mood

20^th May 2013

Stole this topic off a list on Pinterest because I have temporarily run out of creative juices to think of new themes. Hmmm I love music and am open to all kinds of genres (except maybe those that are so loud and noisy I can't hear the lyrics 99% of the time.. defeats the purpose of a song don't you think?). And I think it's safe to say that most of us have different songs for different occasions  like sometimes when you hear a particular song on the radio and you are immediately transported back through time and feel this rush of nostalgia flooding your inner being? I think it's really fascinating how I see songs as indications for different seasons in my life, and they serve so effectively as time markers as well, don't they?

I actually really love Chinese songs (and I - surprise!- listen to them more than English songs). Somehow they tend to sound more meaningful and relatable, and that's what I think a song should be able to capture. I thought long and hard about what song matches what I am feeling now, and it was really kind of difficult. Most of the time, I feel a myriad of emotions all jumbled together, instead of just one. And there's probably only one song I can think of that is capable of sounding nostalgic and optimistic at the same time. One of my absolutely favorite songs from my favorite Chinese singer, Jay Zhou! ^^

稻香 (Dao Xiang) a.k.a Fragrant Rice. 

This song has a strong country feel to it, and is mainly about not being pre-occupied with trying to satisfy everyone's demands of you until you forget everything else. I love it not only because it sounds really catchy, but also hits back home to what should be a priority for everybody.

請你打開電視看看多少人為生命在努力勇敢的走下去

我們是不是該知足, 珍惜一切　就算沒有擁有

(Please turn on the television now and see for yourself, so many people bravely fighting for their lives

Shouldn't we be content and cherish what we have, even if we don't possess them?)

Many a time, we are so concerned with meeting deadlines and trying to chase a certain goal, that we minimize our peripheral vision and cloud out what is happening around us. My mother likes to start a conversation by asking me whether I know what is going on in the World currently, and most of the time, I find that I don't know. Then I try to justify myself by claiming that the reason for my lack of awareness of current affairs is because of the too-many commitments I have on hand. Which hardly counts for a valid reason, because in my mind, I know what's ultimately more important.

Something goes wrong at work and we feel that we are the most wronged people on earth. We complain, we ask ourselves why we do not receive appreciation in return for our hard work, and we turn into bitter people as a result. But maybe if we all opened our eyes more, then we would see that the troubles we are facing aren't so big after all. In the context of natural disasters and people in Third World Countries who do not have roofs over their head and wonder whether they'll live to survive just one more day, I'd say we are pretty fortunate and blessed people. But yet we fail to take this comparison into consideration even though it's staring at us straight in the face from what we read on the new media everyday. Are #firstworldproblems really problems at all?

不要哭讓螢火蟲帶著你逃跑, 鄉間的歌謠永遠的依靠

回家吧　回到最初的美好

(Don't cry, let the fireflies take you away, you will always find serenity in folk songs　

Go home, return to the sweet and carefree past)

Simplicity. Modern society has inevitably made everything complicated by nature, and sometimes complexity is good because it means that we are challenging ourselves to become better people. But what if complexity reached a whole new level and it has turned us into competitive, selfish empty vessels who find it difficult to judge right from wrong? Sometimes, all we need is a poke to remind ourselves that we need to make our lives more straightforward. Remember the days when we were kids and the ice-cream man on a scooter would park his vehicle below our HDB blocks and ring a bell? In 5 minutes, all the kids in the neighborhood would be queuing up to buy $1 ice-cream (I like chocolate flavor on rainbow bread) and then compete on who would be the first to finish? Or when we follow our parents to the market and there used to be those gachapon machines lined up in a row in front of the herbal medicine shops? We would exchange coins with the shop owner and then camp in front of those 'turn-turn machines', leaving with small toys (rubber balls, sweets, those Pokemon figurines that everybody hoped to get for 10 cents) and we would be happy for the entire week. We don't need the past to reconstruct itself in order to experience what it was like to be carefree when we were children. Simplicity can be recreated by anyone, and is reflected in the things you choose to do. Get off the computer and take a break from all that crazy essay writing, go take a walk at the reservoir at sunset, buy those 20 cents ice-pops and eat 3 at one go, create a playlist of your favorite  most embarrassing songs, pretend you're in the Kbox room and sing your hearts out, sleep at 10pm just for the fun of it, and set aside a day to do absolutely nothing. Simplicity has always been there, why not start embracing it again? 　

不要這麼容易就想放棄　就像我說的

追不到的夢想　換個夢不就得了

(Don't give up so easily, just like what I said,

If the dream can't be reached, then just follow another dream)

We read on the newspaper about that occasional kid who throws his whole life away just because he has failed one test in elementary school. Failure hurts, and it hurts a lot. I've found myself many a time crying over lousy grades, feeling like I'm not good enough and always tempting myself to give up everything I have worked for because it's just 'not worth it', but where has that gotten me? Nowhere. Instead of throwing ourselves constant self-pity parties, why not do something with all that energy, pick yourself up and go at it doubly hard? I know it's easier said than done, but if we don't try, then the chances of grasping success is 0 anyway. We all have dreams, some of us even have ridiculously absurd dreams that we feel are impossible to achieve. But as many famous people say, nothing is impossible, impossible is nothing. (:

One song can be translated into so many lessons for us to bring back home, and that's the beauty of music. It speaks to the heart more honestly and more directly than any advice can ever do so.  

For some strange reason, I really liked this topic a lot. It was easy to write about, and I was really happy by the time I completed it. Gonna take a break today because I'm really exhausted from moving boxes after boxes of books at work, but I'll be back soon! :D

#30daychallenge Day 4

For Day 4, I decided to touch on the topic of Work and what experiences I had that holds significance for me. I have worked in quite a number of jobs before, from administrative duties to teaching to dealing with children and even selling books now. Most of the time, I look out for jobs that aren't too demanding because 

1) I am a slacker and

2) They are part-time jobs which are meant to be fun (right?)

Okay that kinda portrays me in a negative light, but I don't believe in slogging my guts out just to earn some money. Maybe my views would change when I actually enter the working world, but not for now haha. I can only think of one job that has brought me so much personal satisfaction, it's like you develop a compelling urge to go back to the place, just to experience what you felt when you had the job, again and again. The original post that I wrote for the #30daychallenge is really in quite a hideous state, so I shall replace it with a nicer sounding post from back when I had just left the job (March 2012?) due to school commitments. Enjoy enjoy!

The highlight of my Tuesday has definitely got to be visiting the kids at Tiong Bahru. I was really apprehensive at first, even coming up with reasons to bail out from going back to the student care to see the kids, what if they had forgotten me/were not glad to see me there?

I went anyway. Spent a fortune on chocolate for them, plus an umbrella (no thanks to the rain for intensifying immediately when I got out from NTUC). Got drenched anyway but made it to the centre in time! My fears just flew away when I opened the front door, because the kids DID remember me. What’s more, even those that I weren't close to were waving to me so enthusiastically from the classroom in the midst of their tuition. The kids from Tamp were coincidentally there that day too, and my heart totally melted when the young ones bounced out from the room and flew into my arms. Like literally ran to hug me. I asked the same question to every kid I saw ‘Do you remember me?’ and all of them did. I was really surprised.

Sat with them, talking to them and coloring drawing with them, it was like the most natural thing to do ever. Had a hearty chat with one of the teachers there too, she’s new and was from NUS before too! So she gave me some advice. Always glad to talk to someone new.

The hardest thing to do today was probably to pack up and leave the place cos it was getting really dark. I announced that I was going,all the kids came to my side and started grabbing my hands, begging me not to leave. I still remember this conversation between me and this boy who used to be so mischievous I couldn't stand him.

Boy: “Teacher, what time are you going home?”

Me: “Soon! What time are you staying until?”

Boy: “9pm, I have tuition. Stay with me until that time please?”

Me: “Cannot lah, I live so far away and I have school tomorrow.”

Boy: Please? I’ll ask my parents to drive you all the way home after my tuition.”

I found this incredibly endearing, coming from someone who always refused to listen to me, get every assignment I set him wrong, tease me all the time and the list goes on.

Today I was happy to the point I didn't want to leave the centre. I really wish it was December again, so I could go to work everyday and be in the company of these darlings. They drive me crazy, but they are so innocent and sweet as well. Today, I heard more ‘I miss you’s’ and ‘I love you’s’ than I ever heard in this whole first quarter of the year. And its really, really heartwarming. To think that these sweet words came from children that are like barely half my age. They may be young, but they have the most mature mindsets I have ever seen. 

Gotta love these kids. I really miss every single one of you. <3

#30daychallenge Day 3

 No Expectations.

16^th March 2013

Wouldn't we all love to migrate to a world where we didn't need to meet demands after never-ending demands? This is a practical society in which we live in and have grown used to. Generations after generations of people have it drilled into their minds that practicality is key, above all else. If expectations were to cease their domination over everybody for just a day, what would you do? There's so much I can think off the top of my head already!

Travel.

I'm sure lots of people have had 'Travel The World' as their resolutions at some point in their lives. When I was young, I always watched those TV dramas where couples grew old together, passed their family businesses to their grown-up children and embark on round-the-world tours. With shining eyes, I wondered to myself how long it would have taken them to fly around the entire globe. The wanderlust bug frequently comes knocking on my door, and honestly, if time and money weren't such pressing issues, I would book an air ticket, and assume the persona of a crazy enthusiastic tourist in a completely foreign place for as long as I want to with no reservations. I will climb mountains even though I'm terribly unfit, just because I want to see gorgeous views of entire cities and villages and just so I can feel like I am on top of the world. I will work in lush green fields and rice paddies for free, just because I want to smell fresh grass and flora, and interact with workers I don't have any chance to see in concrete jungle Singapore. I want to experience what it feels like to grow and eat your own food, and to feel satisfaction no matter how tiring it will be. Thank God for all these farmers in the world, who work under the scorching sun everyday to provide not only for themselves, but for the rest of the world. I will jump off a waterfall, go para-sailing  ride horses through vast fields and laugh at their manes swinging wildly in the evening breezes, just because I can. And then some day, I might just settle down in a sleepy small village and take root there. Experiencing a completely different way of life is something not everyone can or wants to throw themselves into, but why hold back until we grow old and are retired before we entitle ourselves to the beauty that the globe has to offer? The world is that big, and we are only this small. If it takes the span of a lifetime to find that genuine happiness that is described in novels, then bring it on, anytime. 

Write.

Whenever I tell people my dream is to become a writer, more often than not I receive weird responses from them. They either throw bewildered looks in my direction or they just go all silent. So many people tell me that it is simply not feasible to be a writer in a result-oriented society. 

'Writing won't bring you money. Don't make it your main job, you can do it on the side as a hobby. Etc etc'. I know where all these comments are coming from, because I know that writing is hardly a profession that brings with it fame and riches. Writers/artists on TV are always depicted as people who are constantly in need of money, cannot put food on the table, are weird characters that spend their day bumming around, or are depressed people. I love writing, and I know that someday when I have the means to, I will spend everyday writing about anything and everything, I will publish as many books as I want to, and I'll buy those rainbow-colored pens and notepads I loved as a kid just so I can feel happy filling up page after page with the written word. And all these alone are more than enough to reflect the beauty that writing can bring. No wonder writers are genuinely happy and love what they do completely, even if they aren't the most materialistically rich people on the face of this earth. 

Love.

More often than not, we are so busy trying to squeeze appointment after appointment in our small planners and calendars, we crowd out the people who matter most; our friends and family. I too, am absolutely guilty of that, and many a time, I have struck out friends' names on the calendar just to make that bit of space for some essay I'm rushing to submit. We don't think much of it, but sometimes just one stand-up can mean a whole lot to someone else. If I had all the time in the world, the first thing I would do is to write down the names of everybody I know on a piece of paper and then make concrete plans to meet up with every single person on the list. We would sit in cozy cafes, sipping teas and juices, eating super nice smelling and delicious cakes and cookies, and talk about everything under the sun, just because we have all the time in the world to listen and laugh with each other. I would bring my parents on excursions to the Zoo and Birdpark and Gardens by the Bay, just so that we can act as tourists and not be worried about work and deadlines. We would take pictures of all the animals, laugh at Kaikai and Jiajia because they're just too adorable, and eat as much ice-cream as we want to make up for Singapore's humid temperature. I'll bring my brother on a shopping spree, and listen to him talk about school and his newest crush (haha) and poke fun at him the whole day, just because that's what we always do, and even though we irritate the hell out of each other, we still enjoy each other's (annoying) company. I would play Maplestory with my youngest brother, because I have nothing better to do, and for once, we wouldn't be quarreling, but we would be fighting monsters together. I would meet all of my dear friends, who have stood by me and encouraged me when times were rocky. We would spam countless films with the Polaroid, and then I will make a collage with my lousy art skills and paste it on the wall, to remind myself to be thankful for all the wonderful people in my life everyday. I would have sleepovers at Mama's house, because she has always been asking me to do so, but it never materializes because of a lack of time. I would bring her on holiday because I made her a promise that I would do it someday. Then we could admire the sunset together, stroll random streets together, shop together and eat together, and there would be nothing else I'd rather do. 

Sometimes, we find ourselves 'loving' our status and commitments more than we love the people around us. Let us change that, because ultimately, what matters more?

If there was completely nothing expected of me, I would jump at the chance, do all the above, and so much more. What would you do?  

#30daychallenge

Forgive me, because I wrote this past midnight and I know I may not be consistently coherent throughout this post. Thank you for reading! ^^

The Flying Swallow

"If people had already made up their minds long ago that they would not be part of your life in the future, then why do they bother to leave their footprints in the sand of our lives in the first place?"

 Isn't it an irony to walk into someone's house, kick off your shoes against the wall, rummage in the refrigerator for your favorite food, make yourself comfortable on their couch and share deep conversations with them over the soft glare of the TV until the both of you fall asleep, and then disappear without a trace the very next day?

The other party wakes up with sweet memories of the exchanges between you both, and then realizes that all is quiet. Silence. He combs through the entire house, only to find that not a single trace of you is left. Zero. Gone. What then? He scratches his head in confusion, torn between making an attempt to find you, or just give up altogether. Where should he start? He doesn't know the direction in which you have gone, whether you would come back. Most importantly, he isn't completely sure whether it was your intention to have him set out to look for you, or did you do it on purpose just to avoid him?

He tries ways and means to find you, but you remain missing. He is thrown into a whirlwind of despair and confusion, and then just when he is at the brink of giving up, you burst through the living room door with a wide smile on your face, holding a box of pizza and a bottle of fruit wine, plopping down onto the couch beside him like nothing has ever happened. He looks at you, confused, but after some time the 2 of you are sharing the freshly-baked pizza, drink yourselves silly and pour out your deepest darkest secrets to each other. You pinky-promise that you would not leave again, and he is assured, falling into a deep sleep with sweet dreams of rainbows and meadows and the both of you.

The next morning, when he wakes, you are gone once again. How long will the cycle repeat itself? Or rather, how long can he put up with the temporal disappearances and reappearances that you choose to orchestrate?

You have made your mind to be a free bird, flitting from tree to tree in search of better environments, better food, and just because you have wings that allow you to take flight to places you've always wanted to see. You have the brains to remember your way back, and you have a convenient place to roost for the night if you ever need a shelter above your head. But you choose to come and go like a fleeting shadow, because you desire freedom above all else.

Have you stopped to think of the friend who is left behind, making your bed and laying down dinner for you every night without fail, just because he harbors hope of you returning, and is satisfied just to see you walk through that door, for that signifies that you are safe and doing well. No matter how disappointed he is, he would run up to you and envelop you in a tight hug, because he is thankful that nothing bad has happened to you. He would wipe away the tears he had been crying just hours before, delete all the numbers he had dialed just to enquire about your whereabouts off the telephone call log, and pour out a cup of specially brewed sweet tea because he knows it is your favorite  He wraps you in a fuzzy blanket because it is snowing outside, and is content watching you fall asleep by the fireplace. He carries you up to bed, and tucks you in with the thickest blanket he has in the house. Then he looks at your back view one more time, flips off the light switch, and prepares himself emotionally, because he knows that when he flings open the guestroom door the next morning, all he would see is ruffled sheets and an empty bed.

Still , he musters up a smile, and goes on about his daily routine, believing in his heart that you would return to his side. Someday.