Maomao

As a young boy, he had the things most people wished they had. A big room, toys, an absolutely loving family, and his pet maltese who followed him everywhere he went. But above all these, he had a stuffed panda that he loved unconditionally. It went everywhere with him; to sleep, to mealtimes, to kindergarten, to visiting his relatives; everywhere. It was affectionately known to him as Maomao, and was black with splotches of white around its eyes and tummy and along its fluffy tail.

Jeremy was at the toy store with his parents one day when he was a tender 5 years old. His eyes had zoomed in on Maomao and had never left then. He stood by the shelf that Maomao was on until his parents finally gave in and bought him the stuffed toy. His hands enveloped Maomao's soft fur, and at that instant he had formed a deep attachment to it. From then on, Jeremy was to be Maomao's fierce, loyal protector. 

When he was 5 years old, his sister had walked into his room, looking for her colouring book that she had somehow misplaced during the course of the day. She was rummaging around on his incredibly messy bed, and had accidentally knocked Maomao over. He fell on to the floor with a dull thud. At that instant, Jeremy had just finished dinner and walked back into his room. Witnessing the scene, he dashed forward in fury and slapped his sister on the face. He then proceeded to pick Maomao up from the floor and clutched tightly to the stuffed toy. His sister cried, shocked at her brother's outburst, and ran out of the room with tears flowing from her eyes. Jeremy couldn't care less about his sister, in his eyes, only Maomao mattered. 

When he was 10 years old, Jeremy was in grade 4 in elementary school. His parents had enrolled him in the best school in the town, and in order to do that, they had scrimped considerably to secure him that position. Their wishes for him was that he would have a bright future ahead of him, unlike them who had not had a chance to be educated beyond secondary level education. Despite his parents' hard work, Jeremy had never had much interest in studying. He would spend his evenings playing with Maomao, cuddling him as the both of them would watch television together until bedtime. He flunked most of his term tests, was reclusive at school and had few friends. His parents were worried for him but continued to shower him with love, hoping that one day he would come to his senses and make some effort in his academic life. Jeremy's mother would make him a bowl of mushroom soup every evening to accompany his study sessions. One particular evening, she had tripped over one of Jeremy's toy cars lying about on the floor of his room, and in the process, a bit of soup spilled on Maomao who was lying at Jeremy's feet. His mother had ended up with a sprained ankle, but all Jeremy was concerned about was Maomao. Frantically, he wiped at the top of Maomao's head, never casting the slightest glance at his mother, who was tearing on the floor because of the extreme pain she felt. Subsequent nights, when his mother brought him soup as usual, he never touched it. It would lie on the desk, exposed to the air until it turned cold. Jeremy couldn't be bothered, not about his parents, not about his studies, but only about Maomao. 

When he was 15 years old, Jeremy was admitted into one of the town high schools, because of his mediocre results. He still had few friends, but one of them from his elementary school, Jason had stuck by him. He was the closest to what Jeremy could call a best friend. But yet, in Jeremy's heart, Maomao always took first place. That day, Jason had asked Jeremy to stayover so they could watch the Champion's League together. Jeremy had agreed and the same evening, Jeremy turned up at Jason's doorstep, duffel bag and Maomao in hand. They enjoyed dinner together, and after doing their homework for that day, they settled on the couch with popcorn, ready to tune into the match. Jason turned to Jeremy. 

"Why does your panda go everywhere with you?" 

"Maomao's my best friend."

"He's a stuffed toy. Don't you think you're a bit too old for him?" Jason replied casually, shrugging his shoulders. Jeremy however, got insulted, and his expression changed to a livid one. He turned sharply to glare at Jason.

"Just because Maomao is more important than you doesn't give you the right to be jealous of him, you know?" That was the beginning of a cold war between the 2 boys, silence ensued as none of them were willing to talk to each other. Jason was hurt by what Jeremy had said, afterall they were good friends, why did Jeremy have to shoot him down like that? With the awkward, tense atmosphere lingering in the air, the sleepover never happened. Jeremy trudged across the road to his house halfway through the match, still in a fit of anger. All the while, Maomao never left his side. 

Several nights later, Jeremy lay in bed past his bedtime. He had gone through a particular horrible day, and Jeremy had felt exceptionally bad that day. As he wrapped himself in a blanket, he stared into Maomao's glassy eyes and questioned the existence of his life. Why was he alive in the first place? No one wanted to talk to him, no one asked him out to play. He was lonely. As he thought and thought, the sour feeling that was already present within him increased in intensity. He looked at the panda once again, wishing that Maomao could give him some kind of insight. But pin-drop silence just became magnified by ten times. 

Silence. Nothingness. It struck him at that instant. Maomao did not give him a reponse because he was incapable. He was a stuffed toy and would never give him any sort of response. Maomao wasn't his best friend, Maomao was just a stuffed toy panda. That night, he was forced to make a difficult decision. 

The next morning, Jeremy stepped outside his house with Maomao in hand/ Taking a deep breath, he walked towards the blue bin, lifted the lid and placed Maomao in it. Taking a long last glance at the black and white stuffed toy who had accompanied him through 15 years of his life, he closed the dustbin lid and walked away with tears in his eyes. He had gone through with his decision, had thrown not only the stuffed toy away, but also the memories with Maomao. They never never to surface again, never to have an impact in his life anymore. As the last tear dropped onto the ground, he didn't look back, not once. 

Although it was painful, taking a step back from Maomao allowed Jeremy to see the important things that lay before him. 

His sister ran to hug him tightly. 

His parents smiled at him lovingly and with pride.

His best friend, Jason grinned at him, gave him a brotherly pat on his back, and raced him to the field to play football together. 

His teacher gave him an encouraging gaze, and offered to help him in his studies. 

It was then that he realized he had been wrong. He wasn't lonely. He had the most wonderful people around him, always by his side. But he was so obsessed with Maomao that he was blinded to everything around him. Thanking God for what he was blessed with, he smiled. 

His life started now, and it no longer consisted of black and white fur. It was glowing bright, bright like the stars in the clear night sky. 

Sometimes, all we need is a little jolt to wake us up to our senses, to make us realize that life is so much more meaningful if we live it to the fullest. 

20th April, 2013.