And once again

Another reminder to treasure what I have and what is existing before it is gone. 

Loss is a funny thing, at first you feel like nothing has changed. Everything progresses on as how it normally would. You look outside your window and you realize the Sun's rays warming your face just like every other morning. But maybe, just maybe, the seconds tick by just that little bit slower today, the air seems more still than usual, and you find yourself dragging your feet a little bit longer. And when you have nothing to do for that 45 minutes commuting to wherever you're supposed to be at, your mind wanders. Far back to the first time you had a connection with the object of your loss. Then it hurtles back and forth as you recall bits and pieces of time spent together, even though it may not have been much. You realize you aren't even trying, the memories just come back to you like a wave hitting a shore. It recedes, then it hits again, and you can't help but wonder why the feeling seems fresh every single time. Then this slight bitterness just bubbles up inside your heart, and sadness comes to fill in the gaps. You want to reconnect with it again, but reality hits you just then. It's not there anymore, it's not going to come back anymore. And you cannot accept the reality because how do you adjust to something that's been there for such a long time? I have so many thoughts of 'if onlys' swimming around in my head, but what can I do now that you're gone? 

My dear Piggy, I know I didn't have a close bond with you, and I didn't get to see you for the last time before you drew your last breath. I know you were in pain all this time, and honestly, I wished more than once that something could take away, or even just reduce your pain by a fraction of what it was. Nevertheless, I remember fondly how you would leap up to the front of the cage to greet me and eagerly await the food I will feed you no matter how painful it was to move around. I saw you birth your children, I saw you grow from a tiny guinea pig to an old one, and I saw the shine in your eyes every morning as you sniffed my fingers and responded to my calls. I'm sorry I never spent more time with you, that I never took you out to play or just spent that few more minutes standing by your cage talking to you. I know you could hear me. When I came home today and saw that the place where your cage used to be is now empty, my heart sank, really. I regret that I couldn't give you a proper burial. It calms my heart to know that you're definitely in a better place now. You don't have to suffer anymore, you won't have trouble breathing anymore, you can run without feeling any pain in your feet. And for that I am really really glad. But I know that I miss you already, even though it's barely been a day. I wait until now to cry, because I don't have the guts to cry in front of others. People may say you're just a guinea pig, just a small animal that's not worth crying over, but I beg to differ. Afterall, you were my pet as much as the family pet, and I will always remember you. 

Rest in peace, 
27th February 2014. 
Sending lots of love, carrots, cabbages, grapes and strawberries to wherever you are. Loving you.