Been waiting quite a long time to write this post and have been in a reflective mood the past few weeks. Shall just type what comes to mind and hopefully this post is at least coherent to myself, if not to anyone else. Six months have passed and I am currently here, waiting to enter another chapter of my life. But I know that before I proceed to do that, I must close the door to the current chapter first. It has been nothing short of a whirlwind for the past half a year, so, so much has happened and honestly I don't know where to start thinking. I realize I always tend to do this, take everything around me for granted and then at the very last minute when I have to leave, I start wishing I had done a little bit more, perhaps put in a little bit more effort to ensure that I have no regrets. Not regrets in the true sense of the word, but I wish I would have done things just slightly differently.
I remember when I was embarking on this chapter, I was not looking forward to it at all. There were so many nights of worrying and complaining and wishing I didn't have to leave my comfort zone, yet in the end I still had to. There were many firsts for me in the past six months, and thinking of them makes me feel fuzzy on the inside amidst all the rush and chaos that seems to be building up around me. I got used to contract teaching and my students, my work was so routinized and my position was so comfortable that I was really reluctant to give it all up. But then in a matter of weeks I was forced to say goodbye to my students and my colleagues and travel all the way west to be a student instead of the teacher once again. I was not ready, and I was really scared. Being someone that takes ages to warm up and adapt to a new environment, I really hate to leave something comfortable and move to something totally new, make new friends, do new things. I think somehow I just am not cut out for it. I traveled across Singapore but thankfully I had a hall to stay in temporarily. And now looking back, I am thankful that I had this chance to stay on campus instead of commuting back and forth everyday, I think that would have drove me absolutely crazy. I am thankful for the best roommate I could ever ask for. Our room was so spacious and I think if I had to live in it alone I would have been quite edgy all the time. I will remember hall life (even though we didn't really have much of a fun hall life). It's playing clearly in my mind now and I cannot help but smile at the thought. We could just walk back to hall everyday after class and take naps while other people had to while away their time in the library. The sky was always bluest right before evening, and the irregularity of the shuttle buses pissed us off so often that most of the time we just walked back and forth from hall to NIE. We were sick of school food and deciding where to eat everyday, dragged our feet to Hall 2 nearby to eat chicken rice and western food, yet I looked forward to every meal with you because there was always something to talk/bitch about haha. And I will always remember stargazing at the top of ADM that night, when everything was peaceful and we tried to find the meteor shower in the sky but failed badly. Then we had heart to heart talks while trying to ignore the couples around us, and it was just such a good time. We had numerous lizards in hall and we even succeeded in killing one, although we had to ask the security guard to clean it up for us afterwards. I am thankful that for every bimbotic moment I had, you were there to share it with me. When I complained too much, you were there to listen and you were always always patient with me. Thank you for moving my stuff into hall with me and also helping me pack up and move out too. Overall I really don't know how to thank you except to be so honoured that I can call you my friend. I will remember hall only because you were such a big part of that experience. <3
I was really apprehensive of school because everybody around me seemed to be so smart and capable, and honestly I felt quite small all the time. But thank God for giving me the best classmates/school mates I could ask for these past 6 months. I have never met such a bunch of enthusiastic and passionate people, and thank you all for always being patient with me and taking time out to explain to me things that I do not know. I always ask stupid questions but no one ever got angry or irritated with me and I am really thankful for that as well. I tried to make friends as much as I could, and I am so glad I found friends who are encouraging and spur me on all the time. Thank you Syahirah, Nisaa and Seekei, you three are the people I have really warmed up to in the past few months and I am thankful that we have crossed paths. I know I may bitch alot but that's because I trust you all so much <3 I hope that the friendships that have been formed will not disappear after we all leave school.
Honestly, NIE has been stressful because all the assignments were crammed into a short space of time, but looking back and seeing how I am now here, cleared of most assignments and moving onto practicum, makes me kinda proud of myself even though I know the results will not be fantastic. I have lost sight of whats important over the course of time, but yet I see that God has always steered me back in the right direction and I remember praying at the start of the semester that I didn't want to face all this alone. And I'm so thankful that indeed God answers prayers because I think never once was I alone in this journey. And even though I have had nervous breakdowns in the past week because of another bout of uncertainty and unsureness about the near future, I know that I won't be alone either. Thank You God for letting me see your wondrous love for me even though I have taken it for granted again and again. I never thought I would say this but I will miss the life that I have lived and its difficult to adjust to another kind of life but I will try. All the best for everyone going for practicum, I hope these 10 weeks will be educational for everyone!
