The most wonderful time of the year

Another year has almost come to an end, and 2015 is fast approaching. Every year seems to be passing faster than the next, and this acceleration of time sometimes scares me. As the year comes to an end, I've been doing much reflections on my part. I cannot find a word to describe 2014 simply, because I think that too many overwhelming incidents have occurred within the time span of a year. However, for the good and the (seemingly) bad, I thank God for seeing me through yet another year, and letting me get to know more and more individuals who I have come to treasure and be appreciative of.

For the times which I thought were difficult and horrible, I look back now and I see how these situations have actually been better than I thought that they would be. I hated the thought of graduating a year earlier than my friends, and I prayed desperately for a miracle, for my CAP to change so that I could just linger one more year in NUS. I even mentioned that I was willing to do anything just to not graduate at this time of my life. If only I could have seen how silly I was at that moment. Yea I graduated unwillingly, but the next half a year turned out to be more enriching than I could ever imagine. I was blessed with a workplace and colleagues who are so eager, nice and spontaneous, somewhere that I have learnt abundantly even though I've only been there a short 3 months plus. I've had so much more time to myself to do the things I love, and even ample time to just catch up on the rest that I didn't have much of a chance to in the past 3 years. The most important thing that I see clearly now would be that if I had advanced to Year 4 miraculously, I know I would have taken it for granted and tried to pull through with my own strength, and probably not be able to handle the workload and get discouraged for no reason. Slowly I came to understand God's plan amidst all the uncertainty, that my place was to be somewhere else. And as I accepted this fact, the road ahead seemed clearer and clearer. Even though there were times I relapsed (haha) and fell into the cycle of 'what ifs' and 'if onlys', I was always brought back to the path I was supposed to be on and given assurance repeatedly. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so stubborn to only see things through my own eyes, and this would be something I wanna work harder on in the new year, even though I don't make and stick to resolutions..

I'm thankful that even though I have graduated, friends from school still keep in contact, and I think that these communications really steered me on and encouraged me. For those who have made the effort, I am so appreciative. For the new friends that God has placed into my life, I'm so happy and I will work harder at maintaining the friendships that I have been blessed with. When I was so pessimistic before, I am learning to look at things through a larger lens scope and try to be more optimistic whatever the situation may be.

I love Christmas and that was the original point of this post, which I have digressed far from. I love the festivity, the lights in town and on random streets, and the holiday mood that seems to be present wherever I go. Everyone suddenly seems a lot nicer, more generous and just happier. I love receiving Christmas cards and my mother thought I was crazy smiling while reading the cards I got in the mail, but I didn't care haha. But more than receiving things, seeing people receive things and be happy gets me feeling happy too! I think that's what the spirit of Christmas is about, the willingness to give just like Christ has been generous to us. And beyond the presents and gift giving and feasting, I'm sure when God looks at His people enjoying the company of each other and spreading the spirit of love, He is overly joyful too. I am rambling and probably should end this post soon, but I really wish Christmas would never end, no one would need to go back to the hectic bustling working life and just take as much time as they want to express their love and gratitude for the people around me. But then again, who says the Christmas spirit can only exist during Christmas right? Haha.

Even as Christmas draws to a close, I hope everyone will still be happy. New Year is coming too, and thats another event to look forward to! I'm really excited and I really love the end year celebrations. Hehe. Wishing everyone peace and joy and much laughter in all that you do and wherever you go, I'll consolidate my thoughts and write a proper comprehensive reflection post at the end of the year probably.

MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY! FELIZ NAVIDAD!! HOHOHO :D :D :D

DK

Sometimes it seems bleak

Sometimes things don't seem to go smoothly

Sometimes I want to drop everything and give up

But its exactly in these times I know You will intervene.

I need all the courage and willpower I can get to continue on being here but I know my strength is not enough. Relying on You and praying for a breakthrough and I know things will eventually add up and things will be rectified to what they were before. Over the past few days I have been reminded of Your great love and grace for all of us and it is by these reminders that I am once again in awe. You are faithful and You love me and that is all that I need to keep me going. The festive season has always been my favourite time of the year and I am really glad that I started looking forward to Christmas on the right footing. Thank You for making me see and believe in Your wondrous works once again.

Thanks to all those who walked by my side, those who took time out to share their testimonies of faith with me, and for reminding me time and again that we serve an all powerful Father.

Things can only get better because You are in control. Holding these promises close to my heart.

What's in between?

I like to look outside my window.

The view is the same every day, but it is different at the same time. There's always different cars driving on the expressway, some black, some silver, the occasional brightly neon colored car. There's different accidents that occur too, some light skidding of tyres, others so serious the commotion would rouse me from sleep. Singapore is summer all year round but sometimes I look outside and it is morning, sometimes it is evening and the Sun is gonna set. Sometimes its so hot I can barely open my eyes to face the glaring ray of sunlight, the next moment it can turn gloomy and dark and pour heavy rainwater droplets down from the sky.

I like that time of the day when it is in between day and night; evening. When I see flocks of birds fly back to their nests in the trees and call it a day, yet as they settle down on the branches, they do not go to sleep yet, instead they chirp merrily to one another, creating a chorus that is so messy yet harmonious at the same time. When I see people rushing onto the buses and trains after working for the entire day, yet not all of them go straight home to their beds, they loiter around outdoors, have meals with their loved ones, stroll aimlessly.

It's like when the sky meets the ground; water being a medium between the two. Sometimes it seems so unreachable, two totally different expanses, but then after a while, it becomes something natural.

Standing Still

I love the winter season (that sadly, Singapore does not have). I have been to a couple of countries during their colder months and I have absolutely enjoyed every single second of it. When I was a kid, I saw snow falling in cartoons on the TV and I wanted to be in the middle of all the snow and have fun constructing snowmans and igloos too. I enjoyed my holiday in Korea years ago because it was freezing cold every morning when I stepped out of the hotel. I blew and there were puffs of mist forming in the dry air and I was so thrilled. I ate ice cream and got strange looks from people who walked by me, but I didn't care because it was so amazing that the ice cream had not melted even after 20 minutes. I climbed up on the tour bus and looked out of the window one exceptionally cold morning and there on the window screens were countless little pretty snowflakes that had formed overnight. I was so, so glad and I wanted to run outside and catch them in my hands. But sadly after a while they faded into nothing and I was so disappointed. But then I looked beyond that and I saw the whole ground blanketed by snow. And whenever we walked, the snow would crunch below our feet and freeze my toes through my woolly socks but I didn't mind. Not even until I got frost bite and had difficulty walking. There's something about winter that makes everything seem so much more tranquil, and these scenes do play in my head quite regularly. Am determined to see snow sometime soon, because I think it's really wondrous how the body can be shaking and shivering from the temperature, yet the heart feels nothing but warmth and more warmth.

But for now, back to reality because school starts again tomorrow. Good week ahead guys!

New start, new journey

It's been 3 whole weeks since I began my first full-time job, and I'm really amazed at how time seems to pass so slow and so fast at the same time. Before I began my job I was pretty worried about what the future held for me.

How would I fit in?
Would I get on well with my colleagues?
Would I be able to handle the students properly and not get things thrown at me?
Would I be able to meet the goals I had set out for myself?

All these questions whirled around in my head more than once. And I was really afraid that things wouldn't turn out the way I wanted it to. But now I look back and I can actually laugh at myself because now I see that things can never ever always turn out the way I want it to. Yet, I find myself still enjoying myself and trying to immerse fully into the process. and I am so thankful for the way things have turned out and excited for the way that things will continue to turn out no matter what gets thrown my way.

Quite a few people have asked me, why teaching? Why want to saddle yourself with children and youth of the 21st century who don't have manners, don't appreciate what you do for them, are spoilt and expect you to meet every demand of theirs? I couldn't answer because I have seen some children and how they don't behave, and I thought to myself I would be in for a difficult time. It's true, across these 3 weeks of teaching and supervising classes, I have met all sorts of students. Those that just wanna have fun and not have a care in the world even though their major examinations are coming up in less than 2 weeks time, those who are absolute jokers who crack the coldest, lamest jokes I have ever heard in my life, those who are rude and have feisty attitudes who just want to argue with you for the sake of it, I have seen them and yet I don't think that I have seen the worst. Initially I was speechless. How could kids these days be so daring and so thoughtless about consequences? There was more than one day I walked out of class feeling dejected and thinking I wasn't cut out for this at the back of my head.

But as each day passed, I realized that however sucky my day turned out, I could always find something to be thankful for without fail. Every. single. day. My colleagues and the school staff have been so, so fantastic and friendly to me, and everyday I get to know more and more people in school. Most of the teachers are older than me, yet they have such young hearts and by conversing with them and listening to their experiences, I really think I have learnt lessons that can't be systematically taught. For that, I really am appreciative and thankful.

The students were an eye opener for me because I have seen so many characters over the short span of 3 weeks. There are the rowdy mischievous ones, and on the other side of the spectrum there are the absolutely silent and shy ones. But I think the most interesting thing I observed while teaching the kids was that even the most naughty ones can be such sweet angels at times too. The Sec 5s just REFUSED to listen to me when I walked in the first lesson, but when I saw them in the corridor just a week later, they told me they were sad that they wouldn't get to have another lesson with me anymore. From rolling their eyes and talking back to me, they changed 180 degrees and said they would miss me when they graduated. And to see such a huge change even though I only saw them a couple of times really warmed my heart because I know deep down that they actually care. They care about themselves and the teachers and the people around them and even though they might not show it directly, their hearts are still that big. From seeing hundreds of unfamiliar faces everyday in school to having students shout bye to me as I leave school everyday is really heartwarming for me as well. I know it's something small, but being remembered by the kids is something I feel is quite significant. And for that I am thankful and happy too.

When people say that teaching requires passion, I used to think pshhh such a cliche. But now that I've experienced it for myself and even though it's just the beginning, I understand what that means. When people say that teaching is rewarding, I can also relate now. I think it's amazing how at the end of the day, I can feel so tired and burnt out and just wanna collapse on the floor, yet at the same time, feel so happy and glad and fulfilled that I'm blessed with such an awesome school to spend the next few months in. Things have been tough, but I trust that things will only get better as time goes by. Thank You God for the many opportunities.

"In order for success, you first need to fail"

To me, learning and education is essential to a betterment of oneself. When I think of education, an image of a child being fascinated at his surroundings which spurs him on to take the initiative to find out more about his environment and how these individual parts affect him as a whole pops up in my mind. However, I understand that education in its literal sense may not always be as ideal as the above scenario. But however different the methods we use to educate others, especially the young, shouldn't the original purpose still remain?

I happened to have a conversation with my youngest brother today, which brings me to the point of why I decided to write such a post. I have always felt that the local education system is somewhat stifling. Sure, before we reach a decade old, most of us already have a basic foundation of English, Mathematics, Mother Tongue. These days, so many enrichment programmes are available out there for children as young as 2 years old to learn critical thinking skills and even non-academic talents (piano, art etc). Children are educated and are fully literate with a huge database of knowledge in their brains. They are adept at listening, at spelling, at learning how to solve equations and problems sums, they are active mentally and physically. Most of them have a wide range of resources and reading materials for their personal enrichment outside of school as well. With all of these information available to them, shouldn't they be able to be more discerning and street-smart when it comes to knowing and adapting to their world more?

My brother just received his examination results today, and when I asked him about them, he responded that his Chinese Language exam did not go so well. He scored 65% for this particular examination paper, and this is pretty average (I did much worse than him when I was his age, I admit). Yet, he burst into tears and launched into a complaint of how he felt that he did really 'badly' and he wasn't as good enough as his peers. My brother has always been excellent in academics since Day One, even scoring a full 100% on his Mathematics examination sometime last year. Probably that was why he felt disappointed this time round because he did not do as well. Furthermore, his Mother Tongue has always been a weaker subject, so I can completely understand. It didn't seem like a big issue to me at all, until he went on about his performance for other subjects. 

"I scored 86% for my Mathematics paper."

"Wow, that's great! That's like an A+ right?"

"No, I'm so dumb, more than half of my classmates scored above 90% this time, I'm not up to standard."

"You're far from dumb, what about all your other papers before, when you did so well?"

"That was last time, but what matters now is that I'm not as good as everybody else. They are improving, I am not."

"But what matters is you improved overall, and at least you are adding to your knowledge day by day, right?"

"What matters is my grades, they are my future, they are what's important."

SAY WHAT? I was pretty speechless by the end of our conversation. I really don't know what to say anymore. Grades are all that matters in the pursuit of education? Who the hell drilled that into his head at such a young age? It is one thing to be ambitious because you want to improve, it is completely another matter if grades are all you care about, and NOTHING else. My brother pretty much sounded like his obsession was focused purely on his results, and how he was 'stupid' because he couldn't get 'at least 90%'. I mean come on, honestly? Is this the kind of lessons we want to teach our young? To be result-oriented if not you will fail in life and have a bleak future? That's totally the opposite of what learning is about, in my opinion. And I felt SO disappointed when I heard my own brother utter those words, because he is a pupil of brilliance and has one of the quickest and bright brains of the kids that I know. Is this what education is all about to him? 

I am not saying that the education system sucks. I acknowledge the fact that they are trying to introduce reforms to make learning more flexible and fun for the kids, and yes these changes take time and benefits can only be seen in the long-term. However, is society so focused on just the results that the process is forgotten? If that's the case, which it pretty much seems so, then maybe everyone of us needs to stop and rethink what image exactly are we painting for the future generation. Teachers, parents, siblings, relatives, even as members of the public, I think that everyone has a role to play to preserve the true meaning of education, not turn it into some materialistic investment just so we can be 'successful' in life. Is the idea of success just a material achievement then? To earn lots of money and shift into a big house with a big car and then continue to earn more big bucks? I don't think so. I've seen so many kids that are raised to be so afraid to fail, they grow up completely not knowing what failure is. But without failure, how do you climb up the ladder to be successful? If you don't wanna chop down a tree out of fear that it might fall on you, how do you build up a house with your bare hands?

Where is the balance in the picture? I don't know how I am going to change my brother's skewed perception, but I'm gonna do whatever it takes. Still mega shocked hearing his words. Sigh. 

Disclaimer: This blogpost is purely based on my experience and they are my opinions and mine only. It is not a criticism of any particular institutions or people. I really feel quite strongly about this issue, and all I'm trying to put across is that I think mindsets need to be changed, myself included. If I have offended anybody with whatever I have written, I apologize. No hard feelings ya? (: 

3 years ago

NUS has been so good to me. The experiences created in my school can never be recreated, and so for memories' sake, this (long) post is born. 

I could not ask for a better house (S-HOUSE SWEE AH), because although I was kinda overwhelmed by the amount of enthusiasm and rowdiness flowing through every single camp, I understand what people mean when they say a house is more like a home. I'm proud to be from S-House even though I still may not understand all the hokkien cheers, because it truly is a large, welcoming family.

Oweek'12

I could not ask for a better OG (S3 BEST OG!), because it is here I found precious friends that cheered together, bidded for modules together, attended lectures together, had OG outings together, spent several hour-long breaks together talking about ANYTHING and EVERYTHING under the sun, slept in the library together, studied furiously during exam period together, and enjoyed each other's company together. 

I could not ask to be more involved in these special aspects of NUS life too! The most memorable event for me was being a part of Orientation Week 2012 Committee. Lots of time was spent before the camp trying to secure sponsorships for the camp, and through that itself, I think I learnt quite a lot, since marketing was pretty new to me. Thanks to Yishi for helping me all the time and tolerating my noob-ness haha. But during the camp itself, I saw a large-scale project and lots of planning and effort unfold into something tangible, and when I observed people actually enjoying our camp, it was so, so satisfying. OWeek'12 committee was awesome in itself as well, because everybody was so friendly, fun-loving and I'm glad to have got a chance to know all of you <3

I wasn't very active in NUS Campus Crusade, but I'm still thankful to my DG for being so welcoming to me everytime I came for DG. I appreciate you girls for being so open during sharing and creating such a fun and comfortable environment for me to share as well. I remember all the games we play, movies we watch, funny photos we take with Photobooth and the times we digress until DG extends late into the night. Being with you girls inspire me to seek God more because I see how He has worked in all of your lives. 

And my crusade siblings! Even though I couldn't attend all the worship sessions, I am thankful for them because it is awesome to start the semester and end it with God in mind. Thank you to all of you brothers and sisters in Christ for friendly fellowship gatherings, for responding to my prayer requests, for being a steadfast source of blessing and reminding me time and again that God is faithful and He will never fail us. And I will always remember how Don Moen graces our worship sessions almost every time HAHA. 

Before I started university, I found it hard to believe when people would tell me the couple of years ahead would be the best times of being youthful. There I was, facing a massive cloud of uncertainty, blocking the way to my then-ambitions. Looking back now, I see that contrastingly, these 3 short but meaningful years actually paved the way for me to advance further in life. That being said, lifetime experiences always come with a price, and not every single moment of my journey was smooth-sailing. Actually, I think it was all the obstacles that made me more resilient and unafraid of whatever was to come. I had my fair share of difficult times as well, lots of them in fact. I remember when I was in my freshman year and learning how to adapt to the academic system in NUS. My first set of exam results was seriously a punch in the gut for me because never in my life did I expect myself to do so badly. It kinda affected me for a long time, because what little morale I had inside of me just vanished into thin air. I was discouraged and there was a period of time I just didn't care about studying anymore, and even tried my hand at working while studying just to get away from the stress I felt every time I stepped into school. After more discouragement and getting slightly better but still mediocre results on my assignments, I decided I had to buck up if not remain stagnant where I was. It wasn't easy either. I remember so many nights when I forced my eyes to remain open, coaxing myself to digest the mountain piles of readings in front of me, giving myself ultimatums and no matter how sleepy I was and how much I wanted to collapse on my bed and just give up, I just had to keep going on. I thank God that some fruits did grow on my tree after all, and the joy and pride of seeing better results spurred me on further. In Year 3, I wanted to give it my best shot because as much as I was reluctant, it might have been my last university year and I wanted to go the extra mile for myself and for God too. I promised myself to work doubly hard. Studying in the CLB until the library closed almost everyday became a routine for me, but rather than loathe it, I found myself enjoying it more and more, because I wasn't alone. Lunch breaks, tea breaks, dinner breaks and having less traffic on the road and less people on the buses at 11pm every night all serve as a point of nostalgia for me now, because I know that I would probably never get the same experience back again. It was exhausting, yes, but if I had never tried it, I would never have dreamed of myself being able to push on so far. For that, I know it was never my own strength, and for that, I thank God and the wonderful people around me.

The blow came when I realized I was improving steadily, but this improvement was still not enough for me to advance to Year 4. Back then it was a huge disappointment to me, because the thought of graduating alone scared me so much. I prayed for miracles every single night, I cried so often and got puffy red eyes multiple times throughout the semester, I tried studying more and more and more, but in the end, I still found myself registering for Commencement 2014. Looking back, I wouldn't say that my efforts and prayers went to waste, because this made me treasure my every minute spent in school and pushed me to go the extra mile to maintain contact with more friends. I feel so silly now for being worried that I had nobody to graduate with, because so many lovely people came to attend my commencement even though it was so late at night, my parents were there for me, I knew so many familiar faces in the auditorium, and most importantly, God was beside me throughout, holding my hand tightly. And I knew that I was never once alone.

There are so many people I wish to thank individually, but then this post would probably be about 20 pages long.. But there are still significant people to thank and I will try to do a good job of it anyway =P

Firstly, I want to thank my heavenly Daddy for making ALL of this possible. I cannot stress this enough, but without Your love and grace to support me, carry me, and lead me to make better decisions, I would probably still be that muddle-headed, lost and blur girl I used to be prior to entering NUS. I would like to believe that I have gotten abit more level-headed and appreciative of what I have. Clinging to the promises You have set out for my life was pretty difficult, especially when I couldn't see any concrete plans forming in my life. I constantly questioned, and I was impatient, and I am sorry for not having more faith in You. You have proved to me that You are graceful, faithful and more than I can ever ask for. To see where I was 3 years ago, and where I am now always leaves me in awe, because I know I could not have done it by myself. 

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

- Jeremiah 29:11

Thank You for sending this verse to me everytime I was down and wanted to give up, for it gave me the strength to continue on. 

Secondly, thank you to the people related to me by blood: My family.

Mama, you are the person I love the MOST in this earthly world, and the most important person in my life. These 3 years, and in all 22 years of my existence, you have been a foundation that anchors my life and brings me back on the path of what is right. I admire you for being a super strong woman, both physically and emotionally, and for loving all your grandchildren unconditionally. You have provided for me ALL the time, even when I refused your money or lunch and dinner treats. The most enjoyable times I have are without a doubt with you, because even though we do the simplest things like cook meals together, watch Pokemon together, or even just lie on the sofa together talking about random stuff, I feel just right at home because your presence comforts me. I don't say this enough, but I love you with all of my heart. Without you, I would not be the person I am today. A million thank yous would not be enough to express my gratitude towards you, and all I can do is to pay it forward, for that is the most important lesson you have taught me. Wishing you health and blessings, all the days of your life. <3

Daddy and Mummy, I know that there are times when I find it difficult to get along with the both of you, and we all have our grumpy days. Nevertheless, the two of you have been a constant source of provision and support to me in your own unique ways as well, and for that I am thankful. Daddy, you always remind us to be responsible for our actions and to be meticulous in all we do, and I think that is a valuable lesson that I would definitely pass down to my children in the future. I am glad we have become closer in the recent years, thank you for accommodating my sometimes unreasonable demands, but never refusing by harsh words. Instead, you help me to see from a bigger perspective, and for all the potentially dangerous doors that you have closed, I may not have agreed with you in the past, but now that I am older, I see where you were coming from and I am grateful that you were strict when it regarded my upbringing. Everytime you say you are proud of me for who I am, my heart swells to know that I have a father who loves me. Mummy, we may not always see eye to eye on issues, and there were many times I threw bitch fits and got angry with you. I am sorry from the bottom of my heart, and I acknowledge the times when you put in extra effort to greet us warmly after long hours at work. Whatever we wanted since young, like gameboys and cameras and toys, you would end up getting them for us, thank you for showering us with love. You may be quite naggy, but I know that it is because you are worried for us, and for that, I am thankful too. I hope that our relationship will only grow closer in the upcoming years, may we continue to do lots of fun things together. <3

My brothers, Darius and Darren. Darius, you are the BEST brother and companion in this lifetime that I can ever ask for. Even though you are a constant source of annoyance with your irritating remarks on how I am fat, I know that deep down you don't really think that way HAHA. I have had the honor to see you grow up from a little toddler to the handsome young man you are now, and I am proud of the way you have turned out. Your dedication to the service of God and your sense of loyalty and righteousness, I see it all and I am glad that you have these qualities in you. Thank you for the HTHTs, being my personal trainer and encourager when we go on jogs around the reservoir, posting the same pictures on instagram and competing who has more likes (YOU always win btw), for all the breakfasts and suppers you have cooked for me without complaining, letting me kope your potato chips, and playing lame games like Maple story with me, letting me choose clothes for you and confirming that I have good taste, I remember all these and I am glad that we can do all these things together as siblings. Everytime you play songs on the guitar, I feel like singing along because the sound is just so melodious. You have no idea how much I brag about you to my friends, all because I am proud I have such an awesome brother like you. Be touched pls <3 Darren, our age gap is 11 years old, and I have not spent much time with you because most of the time, you are already in bed when I reach home. I like to bully you and tease you, but you know that deep down your sister loves you. I am sorry for the times I have been harsh with you and scold you constantly. It is only because I DO want the best for you, and I want you to grow up a healthy happy human being. That being said, you bring joy to my life too, because you can be the funniest joker when you want to be, you are an amazing lyricist and singer, and you are willing to take crazy selfies with me. <3

Aunty Nelly, you have been working in Singapore in our house for a decade (WOW) and I am impressed that you are so committed to taking care of us. I really enjoy the times when I share my daily happenings with you, and you tell me hilarious stories of our neighbors as well. You are one of the few people who I know will never judge me, is selfless, and no matter how tired you are, you are one of the most cheerful people that I know. I admire your strength when you open canned food for me, you are my source of inspiration when it comes to cooking, and you make me want to be useful and do more housework. I know that you have had your fair share of difficulties and tragedies, but never once did you let yourself be overcome by grief, instead you choose to trust in God and remain optimistic about life. Without you, I really don't know how this house can function properly, you have left an imprint on all of our hearts, and to me, you are truly part of this family. I love you, thank you for being the best roommate in the world, I would never want another <3

To my VCD2 (Vanessa, Constance, Dewaine),

I love how we still keep in contact even after secondary school! You girls are the most dynamic bunch of gorgeous girls I have met, and I am so fortunate to have known you in SAC. Even though we may not be in the same schools or pursuing the same life goals anymore, I know that you three will be my bestest girl friends until the day I die. Vanessa (I just copy from the Instagram post I dedicated to you hor), Special post dedicated to my bestest best friend, Vanessa Marie Lee. Thank you for the cute bear and card, for driving all the way down to my place to pass them to me. More than that, thank you for standing by me for 11 years. You have been with me (physically and mentally and emotionally) for every single day of my university life, and even though we are in different schools, I always feel you are just right next to me. It is a wonder how we manage to keep in contact everyday even if we are at opposite ends of the island, or even when we are literally in different parts of the world. Thank you for listening to my every (boring) story, tolerating my bitchy moments, giving me the best advice, celebrating with me, not judging me, and being a pillar of support and collector of my tears all these years. There is nothing I can ever hide from you, and I am so, so proud and eternally grateful that I can call you my best friend. You better continue to stay in my life for many more decades hor! Without you I really couldn't have gotten through everything. Thank you for being the amazing person you are. ♥ Love you x919283736292020202 Dewaine, my cute yet most garang friend, I still remember the first time I saw you I thought you were very fierce HAHA. But going through more than half a decade of life with you has led me to love you and appreciate you as my dearest friend, because you are an absolute joy to be around. I remember town being our frequent hangout when we were younger, and even though we may not be as carefree as last time, please continue to ask me out okay! (I am free until September hehe) Thank you for entertaining us all with your endless stories and randomest comments, for opening your house for us to just chill and have gossip sessions, for sending me home so many times even though my house is super ulu, and for all the hugs and reassurances. Even though my first impression of you was fierce, now I know that you are fiercely loyal to your friends, and I am indeed honoured to be your friend. Thank you for always telling me you will burn down the house of anybody who tries to hurt me, I love you <3 Constance, your paragraph is below =P

To my siblings in Christ and Faithfulnest (Anna, Olivia, Huiting, Eunice, Melissa, Jolene, Shihui, Rubez, Susanna) !

Seeing all of you girls really brighten my weekends! We have gone through so much together since we were 13 years old (omg) and to be where we are now as a cell, I am so glad we have expanded. I feel no reluctance sharing with all of you about what's going on in my (boring) life because I know that good or bad, you all are a source of support and you all do not judge. Thank you for keeping me accountable, and for offering prayers everytime I have requests. I thank God for putting me in such a lovely cell group, because you girls show me what it is like to have Christ in your lives, and to be steadfast and seek God all the time. I remember all the church camps, youth camps, retreats, HTHTs, dinners, picnics and various events that we have all been to together, and I know that Faithfulnest will exist all the way until we are old and wrinkly and are grandmothers. So thankful for a group of sisters in Christ who are willing to listen to all my stories, look out for me and be there for me. <3 

To those wonderful people who went through thick and thin with me on a daily basis, the deepest of my thanks go to all of you. Honestly, if I had to face all the obstacles and challenges by myself, I'm pretty sure I wouldn't have been able to maintain my sanity. 

Rebekah, I think I see you the most these past 3 years! Thank you for taking almost all my core modules with me. You have really been a blessing to me, giving me advice when I am in the horrible stages of my life, quietly being there for me when I throw unreasonable tantrums, and celebrating with me during the happy and liberating times (ahem, mid term tests, essays, exams over). Thank you for being the most loyal shopping buddy, studying buddy, eating buddy, laughing-at-people-and-profs buddy and HTHT buddy. People always mistake the both of us for each other probably because we are always around campus together, but everytime they do, I am secretly happy HAHA. You have shown me what it is to be a child of God, and I really admire how you trust in Him even in the darkest times. Don't miss me too much in the coming year, even though I won't be with you physically, you can always think of me and I will know it. My time in NUS wouldn't have been so fulfilling without you experiencing it with me. Thank you Deary! <3

Constance, you are probably the second person I see the most around school on a daily basis. We have come such a long way, and out of the 22 (21 for you) years of my life, I'm glad that we have walked through 13 years of it together, and have the whole future to get through together! It may sound cheesy, but being near you is like having a bright, unpredictable spark around, you say the most random things ever, but you never fail to turn my stormiest day into the brightest one. I like how we can take the silliest, funniest photos, feeling perfectly natural HAHA. I'm proud of how long a way you have come, from us being blur slacker freshies in Year 1 to you pursuing your Honors Year. I will have the most difficult time getting used to not seeing you every alternate day at least, but I'm wishing you the best year of your life ahead. Please remember to update me on your life regularly hor! Love you!

My dearies (Rebekah, ShaoHan, Suven, Rachel, Constance, Isaac), our KBOX, shopping and dinner sessions all remain vividly in my mind. I will always be impressed once Rebekah and Shaohan grab the mics @ TeoHeng to sing. Thank you for brightening my each and every school day even when it was difficult to look forward to. You are a group of people that I can feel totally comfortable with, thank you all for being so nice and lovely, always! <3

Our Mother Knows Best group, I think our Whatsapp group has undergone multiple crazy renaming ceremonies, but the 3 of you have brought immense joy to my life. Thank you Mummy Bryan for always nagging at us and introducing the best food in NUS to us. You will always be Kim Jong Un in our eyes, but you are also our dearest mother and we will always listen to you (: My dearest Princess Rachel, words cannot express how thankful I am that we grew closer from Year 2 onward. You are my most adorable squeaky friend and it's amazing how we click with each other so well! I looked forward greatly to all our HTHT talks and our walks around NUS together to find Kitty. Social work lessons were a breeze to get by because you were with me, and I like how we can be each other's source of support when not so nice things happen. I will never, ever, ever find a better Masterchef partner, so let's please continue to watch Ramsay screaming and Joe being mean, together for as long as the show airs. I love you so much, from the bottom of my heart <3

(I can't find a picture of all 3 of us with Bryan T_T)

To my Korean BBQ gang, Yishi and Soh Leng, we don't meet often in school, but I'm so glad we were in Marketing Committee together because both of you are two of the sweetest girls I have met in school. To Yi Shi, thank you for being the greatest HTHT buddy and confidante throughout these 3 years. Even though our timetables always clash, I'm glad we are still close! I like how understanding and caring you are to all of your friends, and everytime I see you on bus 95, I remember how I always exclaim that it's fate that brought us together. HAHA. You also say the most bimbo things, but it makes me laugh like no tomorrow, so I guess it's okay =P Happy graduation to you, my dear! 

Soh Leng, I think that fate has brought us together, because even though we were both from SRJC, we only got close in NUS. I'm glad we have the similar chill mindset, for I could never find a better companion during Oweek'12 and Natural Heritage lectures. You are the best person to rant to, because not only will you rant with me, but you are able to distract me from my problems by talking about other things. You still have one more year in NUS, but can we still have our cafe dates, cycling dates, KBOX dates, and nature therapy sessions? I know that in whatever you do, you will be super successful, so remember to share some of that success with me okay? You're a friend I treasure very much, and I'm always thankful for the fact that we manage to still keep in contact once in a while. Thank you bimbo! =P

To my best friend Shannon Teo (we do not have a picture together, HOW CAN THIS BE?!), you entered university two years too late, because I think if we were to get in at the same time, school would have been crazier and more memorable. It's amazing how our SRJC friendship could last until now, and although you are the most irritating and annoying friend that anyone can have, under all those layers of asshole-ness, you are really a true friend indeed. Even though our 1 year in school together was really really short, I appreciate that I got to spend quite some time with you the past year. Philo lectures with you and your friends were memorable, with you making fun of all the philosophers (DAMN MEAN), racing each other in Funrun, and discussing all our disgusting Philo summaries together before submitting them, I never regretted taking the module with you. And if one module wasn't enough, you wanted us to take another module together. That computing module was really crazy and half the time I didn't know what was going on. Thank you for always offering to show me your tutorials, and explaining the yucky mathematical stuff to me until I understand. Filming our 50% project was a pain, but being your retarded self, you brought me and Rebekah much joy and laughter hahaha. Thank you for all the dinners in school and out of school, the study sessions in CLB and UTown, the car rides home (I'm NOT a car slut), always lending a listening ear and tolerating my endless bitchy ranting, and making MRT rides home from school seem shorter than they really are with your nonsense. This friendship is one that I hope will last really, really long. Although we trade the crudest, most horrible sounding insults to each other, deep down you know that you're special because I would, and could never do this and feel no remorse to anybody other than you. Thank you #bestfriend for everything. 

There are so many people who have come alongside me and made a difference in my life, and all of you know who you are. From the bottom of my heart, thank you for every minute you have spent on me, for loving me for me, and for being patient with me in all circumstances. Words cannot express my feelings, but know that I treasure every single one of you greatly, very greatly. <3

The NUS Chapter has officially closed, and I am really proud of where I am standing now. Referring to myself as a graduate still feels a bit funny, and I guess it will take some time to get used to. I'm thankful to NUS for the memories, thankful to my family and friends for being there for me, and thankful to God for making all of these 3 years possible. Without all of You, none of this would have turned out the way it was, and if I had the chance to do it all over again, I would willingly do it, probably put more heart and soul into it, but I would choose all this again, without a doubt. 

Blessed.

Many things have been happening over the past few weeks and my body finally caved in to tell me to stop for a moment and take some rest. Been working non stop the past few days so I can save some money to go overseas in August (HOORAY THIS IS FINALLY HAPPENING!!!), but took a break and slept the entire day away today. I have been writing, even though I haven't been posting much, sorry about that guys! Am finishing up a little something I have been working on the past few months, and then maybe I will share it here with all of you guys to read! Other than that, life has been good to me, God has been so, so gracious to me. I can't count all the blessings I have met with, but just to know that life falls into place so nicely makes me confirm this isn't just a coincidence of sorts. Can't wait to share with all of you what's in store for me in the near future! But for now, everybody rest well and take care because the weather in sunny Singapore is really, really horrible. Byebye! :D