Rain.

Things of nature respond positively to the rain. Flowers, trees, leaves, they eagerly reach out to touch the gently falling drops coming from the sky.

Even the tiny cute bullfrog living beside the playground on the ground floor near my block of flats hops around with joy when rain falls . Birds splash in puddles and lap up the water on the ground, chirping at the top of their voices.

Humans, on the other hand, curse loudly when they hear the rumbling thunder and see the first flashes of lightning. They run desperately to seek shelter from the rain, and they put up umbrellas, frowning and complaining about how the bad weather hinders their existing plans.

Why this difference in responses to something so natural?

P.s Sorry for my absence on this space! Have been really tired out from work lately. Will post more over the weekend! ^^

Wanting what we can't have

The small boy stood at the side of the road, listening to the bustling traffic rushing past in the mid-day afternoon sun. Everyone and everything was whizzing by him at such a quick pace that it seemed a blur to his tiny frame. A man, who was much taller and bigger in size, walked past in a frenzy and accidentally shoved him, but continued on without so much as a glance behind him to see if the boy was alright. But it didn't matter.

The boy's ocean blue eyes were fixated on the smoothie stall in front of him. There were a myriad of colorful fruits, all beckoning him to taste how delicious they were. Strawberries, mangoes, apples, there were even exotic fruits like hairy-skinned rambutans that stared back at him. The stall had been located beside his house for as long as he could remember, and everyday after school, he would never fail to walk past it, smell the fragrance coming from the small push cart, and see the young vendor churn out delicious-looking smoothies and fruit shakes with such finesse.

"Look, but don't touch."

The boy was reminded of this everyday. It was disappointing to see the vendor serve other customers with a bright smile on her face, and he would stare as the other little boys and girls around him extended their hands eagerly to receive the drinks, and then gulp it down in a flash, grinning from ear to ear as they exclaimed how tasty the shakes were. The whole time, he would be sitting on the bench nearby, imagining what his ideal smoothie would taste like; it would be a blend of strawberries and mango, the two fruits he loved best in the world. The weather had been atrocious lately, even the 5 minute walk home from school had him perspiring like crazy. How awesome it would be to cool down with a tropical drink!

He knew it was out of his reach. He had 50 pence a day for his allowance, and that was all his family could afford, what with his father recently being retrenched from his work. His mother was a home-maker, and because she could not contribute money to the household, she had tried to tighten the family's purse instead so they could have a reasonable amount of savings to tide them over. After having his meals of a sandwich and a cup of orange juice in his school's tiny tuck shop, he barely had even 10 pence left in his pockets. As he watched the hoards of happy children digging out coins from their bags to buy the smoothies, he could only stare in jealousy.

It was a particularly unbearable hot and stuffy summer day. The heat made everyone grumpy and hot-tempered, but not him. He grinned as he held a large cup of strawberry-mango smoothie, topped with an extra dose of raspberry syrup and a slice of lemon. Water droplets were dripping down the sides of the cup, freezing his hands in an instant. But he was far from feeling uncomfortable; it was in fact a wonderful sensation. The heat seemed to be unable to dampen his spirits, and he took his first swig of the fruity beverage. It tasted like heaven and he had never felt so joyful consuming a drink in his entire life. He swung his backpack over his shoulder, tiny fingers still clutching tightly to the cup. Hello Summer, he thought, smiling widely. Smoothie Summer. 

#30daychallenge Day 5!

This was what I wrote yesterday for my #30daychallenge hehe! I'm finding this project more and more fun, so bear with me if my posts get longer and longer. Here is the (slightly edited) post, fresh from yesterday!

 A Song To Match Your Mood

20^th May 2013

Stole this topic off a list on Pinterest because I have temporarily run out of creative juices to think of new themes. Hmmm I love music and am open to all kinds of genres (except maybe those that are so loud and noisy I can't hear the lyrics 99% of the time.. defeats the purpose of a song don't you think?). And I think it's safe to say that most of us have different songs for different occasions  like sometimes when you hear a particular song on the radio and you are immediately transported back through time and feel this rush of nostalgia flooding your inner being? I think it's really fascinating how I see songs as indications for different seasons in my life, and they serve so effectively as time markers as well, don't they?

I actually really love Chinese songs (and I - surprise!- listen to them more than English songs). Somehow they tend to sound more meaningful and relatable, and that's what I think a song should be able to capture. I thought long and hard about what song matches what I am feeling now, and it was really kind of difficult. Most of the time, I feel a myriad of emotions all jumbled together, instead of just one. And there's probably only one song I can think of that is capable of sounding nostalgic and optimistic at the same time. One of my absolutely favorite songs from my favorite Chinese singer, Jay Zhou! ^^

稻香 (Dao Xiang) a.k.a Fragrant Rice. 

This song has a strong country feel to it, and is mainly about not being pre-occupied with trying to satisfy everyone's demands of you until you forget everything else. I love it not only because it sounds really catchy, but also hits back home to what should be a priority for everybody.

請你打開電視看看多少人為生命在努力勇敢的走下去

我們是不是該知足, 珍惜一切　就算沒有擁有

(Please turn on the television now and see for yourself, so many people bravely fighting for their lives

Shouldn't we be content and cherish what we have, even if we don't possess them?)

Many a time, we are so concerned with meeting deadlines and trying to chase a certain goal, that we minimize our peripheral vision and cloud out what is happening around us. My mother likes to start a conversation by asking me whether I know what is going on in the World currently, and most of the time, I find that I don't know. Then I try to justify myself by claiming that the reason for my lack of awareness of current affairs is because of the too-many commitments I have on hand. Which hardly counts for a valid reason, because in my mind, I know what's ultimately more important.

Something goes wrong at work and we feel that we are the most wronged people on earth. We complain, we ask ourselves why we do not receive appreciation in return for our hard work, and we turn into bitter people as a result. But maybe if we all opened our eyes more, then we would see that the troubles we are facing aren't so big after all. In the context of natural disasters and people in Third World Countries who do not have roofs over their head and wonder whether they'll live to survive just one more day, I'd say we are pretty fortunate and blessed people. But yet we fail to take this comparison into consideration even though it's staring at us straight in the face from what we read on the new media everyday. Are #firstworldproblems really problems at all?

不要哭讓螢火蟲帶著你逃跑, 鄉間的歌謠永遠的依靠

回家吧　回到最初的美好

(Don't cry, let the fireflies take you away, you will always find serenity in folk songs　

Go home, return to the sweet and carefree past)

Simplicity. Modern society has inevitably made everything complicated by nature, and sometimes complexity is good because it means that we are challenging ourselves to become better people. But what if complexity reached a whole new level and it has turned us into competitive, selfish empty vessels who find it difficult to judge right from wrong? Sometimes, all we need is a poke to remind ourselves that we need to make our lives more straightforward. Remember the days when we were kids and the ice-cream man on a scooter would park his vehicle below our HDB blocks and ring a bell? In 5 minutes, all the kids in the neighborhood would be queuing up to buy $1 ice-cream (I like chocolate flavor on rainbow bread) and then compete on who would be the first to finish? Or when we follow our parents to the market and there used to be those gachapon machines lined up in a row in front of the herbal medicine shops? We would exchange coins with the shop owner and then camp in front of those 'turn-turn machines', leaving with small toys (rubber balls, sweets, those Pokemon figurines that everybody hoped to get for 10 cents) and we would be happy for the entire week. We don't need the past to reconstruct itself in order to experience what it was like to be carefree when we were children. Simplicity can be recreated by anyone, and is reflected in the things you choose to do. Get off the computer and take a break from all that crazy essay writing, go take a walk at the reservoir at sunset, buy those 20 cents ice-pops and eat 3 at one go, create a playlist of your favorite  most embarrassing songs, pretend you're in the Kbox room and sing your hearts out, sleep at 10pm just for the fun of it, and set aside a day to do absolutely nothing. Simplicity has always been there, why not start embracing it again? 　

不要這麼容易就想放棄　就像我說的

追不到的夢想　換個夢不就得了

(Don't give up so easily, just like what I said,

If the dream can't be reached, then just follow another dream)

We read on the newspaper about that occasional kid who throws his whole life away just because he has failed one test in elementary school. Failure hurts, and it hurts a lot. I've found myself many a time crying over lousy grades, feeling like I'm not good enough and always tempting myself to give up everything I have worked for because it's just 'not worth it', but where has that gotten me? Nowhere. Instead of throwing ourselves constant self-pity parties, why not do something with all that energy, pick yourself up and go at it doubly hard? I know it's easier said than done, but if we don't try, then the chances of grasping success is 0 anyway. We all have dreams, some of us even have ridiculously absurd dreams that we feel are impossible to achieve. But as many famous people say, nothing is impossible, impossible is nothing. (:

One song can be translated into so many lessons for us to bring back home, and that's the beauty of music. It speaks to the heart more honestly and more directly than any advice can ever do so.  

For some strange reason, I really liked this topic a lot. It was easy to write about, and I was really happy by the time I completed it. Gonna take a break today because I'm really exhausted from moving boxes after boxes of books at work, but I'll be back soon! :D

#30daychallenge Day 4

For Day 4, I decided to touch on the topic of Work and what experiences I had that holds significance for me. I have worked in quite a number of jobs before, from administrative duties to teaching to dealing with children and even selling books now. Most of the time, I look out for jobs that aren't too demanding because 

1) I am a slacker and

2) They are part-time jobs which are meant to be fun (right?)

Okay that kinda portrays me in a negative light, but I don't believe in slogging my guts out just to earn some money. Maybe my views would change when I actually enter the working world, but not for now haha. I can only think of one job that has brought me so much personal satisfaction, it's like you develop a compelling urge to go back to the place, just to experience what you felt when you had the job, again and again. The original post that I wrote for the #30daychallenge is really in quite a hideous state, so I shall replace it with a nicer sounding post from back when I had just left the job (March 2012?) due to school commitments. Enjoy enjoy!

The highlight of my Tuesday has definitely got to be visiting the kids at Tiong Bahru. I was really apprehensive at first, even coming up with reasons to bail out from going back to the student care to see the kids, what if they had forgotten me/were not glad to see me there?

I went anyway. Spent a fortune on chocolate for them, plus an umbrella (no thanks to the rain for intensifying immediately when I got out from NTUC). Got drenched anyway but made it to the centre in time! My fears just flew away when I opened the front door, because the kids DID remember me. What’s more, even those that I weren't close to were waving to me so enthusiastically from the classroom in the midst of their tuition. The kids from Tamp were coincidentally there that day too, and my heart totally melted when the young ones bounced out from the room and flew into my arms. Like literally ran to hug me. I asked the same question to every kid I saw ‘Do you remember me?’ and all of them did. I was really surprised.

Sat with them, talking to them and coloring drawing with them, it was like the most natural thing to do ever. Had a hearty chat with one of the teachers there too, she’s new and was from NUS before too! So she gave me some advice. Always glad to talk to someone new.

The hardest thing to do today was probably to pack up and leave the place cos it was getting really dark. I announced that I was going,all the kids came to my side and started grabbing my hands, begging me not to leave. I still remember this conversation between me and this boy who used to be so mischievous I couldn't stand him.

Boy: “Teacher, what time are you going home?”

Me: “Soon! What time are you staying until?”

Boy: “9pm, I have tuition. Stay with me until that time please?”

Me: “Cannot lah, I live so far away and I have school tomorrow.”

Boy: Please? I’ll ask my parents to drive you all the way home after my tuition.”

I found this incredibly endearing, coming from someone who always refused to listen to me, get every assignment I set him wrong, tease me all the time and the list goes on.

Today I was happy to the point I didn't want to leave the centre. I really wish it was December again, so I could go to work everyday and be in the company of these darlings. They drive me crazy, but they are so innocent and sweet as well. Today, I heard more ‘I miss you’s’ and ‘I love you’s’ than I ever heard in this whole first quarter of the year. And its really, really heartwarming. To think that these sweet words came from children that are like barely half my age. They may be young, but they have the most mature mindsets I have ever seen. 

Gotta love these kids. I really miss every single one of you. <3

#30daychallenge Day 3

 No Expectations.

16^th March 2013

Wouldn't we all love to migrate to a world where we didn't need to meet demands after never-ending demands? This is a practical society in which we live in and have grown used to. Generations after generations of people have it drilled into their minds that practicality is key, above all else. If expectations were to cease their domination over everybody for just a day, what would you do? There's so much I can think off the top of my head already!

Travel.

I'm sure lots of people have had 'Travel The World' as their resolutions at some point in their lives. When I was young, I always watched those TV dramas where couples grew old together, passed their family businesses to their grown-up children and embark on round-the-world tours. With shining eyes, I wondered to myself how long it would have taken them to fly around the entire globe. The wanderlust bug frequently comes knocking on my door, and honestly, if time and money weren't such pressing issues, I would book an air ticket, and assume the persona of a crazy enthusiastic tourist in a completely foreign place for as long as I want to with no reservations. I will climb mountains even though I'm terribly unfit, just because I want to see gorgeous views of entire cities and villages and just so I can feel like I am on top of the world. I will work in lush green fields and rice paddies for free, just because I want to smell fresh grass and flora, and interact with workers I don't have any chance to see in concrete jungle Singapore. I want to experience what it feels like to grow and eat your own food, and to feel satisfaction no matter how tiring it will be. Thank God for all these farmers in the world, who work under the scorching sun everyday to provide not only for themselves, but for the rest of the world. I will jump off a waterfall, go para-sailing  ride horses through vast fields and laugh at their manes swinging wildly in the evening breezes, just because I can. And then some day, I might just settle down in a sleepy small village and take root there. Experiencing a completely different way of life is something not everyone can or wants to throw themselves into, but why hold back until we grow old and are retired before we entitle ourselves to the beauty that the globe has to offer? The world is that big, and we are only this small. If it takes the span of a lifetime to find that genuine happiness that is described in novels, then bring it on, anytime. 

Write.

Whenever I tell people my dream is to become a writer, more often than not I receive weird responses from them. They either throw bewildered looks in my direction or they just go all silent. So many people tell me that it is simply not feasible to be a writer in a result-oriented society. 

'Writing won't bring you money. Don't make it your main job, you can do it on the side as a hobby. Etc etc'. I know where all these comments are coming from, because I know that writing is hardly a profession that brings with it fame and riches. Writers/artists on TV are always depicted as people who are constantly in need of money, cannot put food on the table, are weird characters that spend their day bumming around, or are depressed people. I love writing, and I know that someday when I have the means to, I will spend everyday writing about anything and everything, I will publish as many books as I want to, and I'll buy those rainbow-colored pens and notepads I loved as a kid just so I can feel happy filling up page after page with the written word. And all these alone are more than enough to reflect the beauty that writing can bring. No wonder writers are genuinely happy and love what they do completely, even if they aren't the most materialistically rich people on the face of this earth. 

Love.

More often than not, we are so busy trying to squeeze appointment after appointment in our small planners and calendars, we crowd out the people who matter most; our friends and family. I too, am absolutely guilty of that, and many a time, I have struck out friends' names on the calendar just to make that bit of space for some essay I'm rushing to submit. We don't think much of it, but sometimes just one stand-up can mean a whole lot to someone else. If I had all the time in the world, the first thing I would do is to write down the names of everybody I know on a piece of paper and then make concrete plans to meet up with every single person on the list. We would sit in cozy cafes, sipping teas and juices, eating super nice smelling and delicious cakes and cookies, and talk about everything under the sun, just because we have all the time in the world to listen and laugh with each other. I would bring my parents on excursions to the Zoo and Birdpark and Gardens by the Bay, just so that we can act as tourists and not be worried about work and deadlines. We would take pictures of all the animals, laugh at Kaikai and Jiajia because they're just too adorable, and eat as much ice-cream as we want to make up for Singapore's humid temperature. I'll bring my brother on a shopping spree, and listen to him talk about school and his newest crush (haha) and poke fun at him the whole day, just because that's what we always do, and even though we irritate the hell out of each other, we still enjoy each other's (annoying) company. I would play Maplestory with my youngest brother, because I have nothing better to do, and for once, we wouldn't be quarreling, but we would be fighting monsters together. I would meet all of my dear friends, who have stood by me and encouraged me when times were rocky. We would spam countless films with the Polaroid, and then I will make a collage with my lousy art skills and paste it on the wall, to remind myself to be thankful for all the wonderful people in my life everyday. I would have sleepovers at Mama's house, because she has always been asking me to do so, but it never materializes because of a lack of time. I would bring her on holiday because I made her a promise that I would do it someday. Then we could admire the sunset together, stroll random streets together, shop together and eat together, and there would be nothing else I'd rather do. 

Sometimes, we find ourselves 'loving' our status and commitments more than we love the people around us. Let us change that, because ultimately, what matters more?

If there was completely nothing expected of me, I would jump at the chance, do all the above, and so much more. What would you do?  

#30daychallenge

Forgive me, because I wrote this past midnight and I know I may not be consistently coherent throughout this post. Thank you for reading! ^^

The Flying Swallow

"If people had already made up their minds long ago that they would not be part of your life in the future, then why do they bother to leave their footprints in the sand of our lives in the first place?"

 Isn't it an irony to walk into someone's house, kick off your shoes against the wall, rummage in the refrigerator for your favorite food, make yourself comfortable on their couch and share deep conversations with them over the soft glare of the TV until the both of you fall asleep, and then disappear without a trace the very next day?

The other party wakes up with sweet memories of the exchanges between you both, and then realizes that all is quiet. Silence. He combs through the entire house, only to find that not a single trace of you is left. Zero. Gone. What then? He scratches his head in confusion, torn between making an attempt to find you, or just give up altogether. Where should he start? He doesn't know the direction in which you have gone, whether you would come back. Most importantly, he isn't completely sure whether it was your intention to have him set out to look for you, or did you do it on purpose just to avoid him?

He tries ways and means to find you, but you remain missing. He is thrown into a whirlwind of despair and confusion, and then just when he is at the brink of giving up, you burst through the living room door with a wide smile on your face, holding a box of pizza and a bottle of fruit wine, plopping down onto the couch beside him like nothing has ever happened. He looks at you, confused, but after some time the 2 of you are sharing the freshly-baked pizza, drink yourselves silly and pour out your deepest darkest secrets to each other. You pinky-promise that you would not leave again, and he is assured, falling into a deep sleep with sweet dreams of rainbows and meadows and the both of you.

The next morning, when he wakes, you are gone once again. How long will the cycle repeat itself? Or rather, how long can he put up with the temporal disappearances and reappearances that you choose to orchestrate?

You have made your mind to be a free bird, flitting from tree to tree in search of better environments, better food, and just because you have wings that allow you to take flight to places you've always wanted to see. You have the brains to remember your way back, and you have a convenient place to roost for the night if you ever need a shelter above your head. But you choose to come and go like a fleeting shadow, because you desire freedom above all else.

Have you stopped to think of the friend who is left behind, making your bed and laying down dinner for you every night without fail, just because he harbors hope of you returning, and is satisfied just to see you walk through that door, for that signifies that you are safe and doing well. No matter how disappointed he is, he would run up to you and envelop you in a tight hug, because he is thankful that nothing bad has happened to you. He would wipe away the tears he had been crying just hours before, delete all the numbers he had dialed just to enquire about your whereabouts off the telephone call log, and pour out a cup of specially brewed sweet tea because he knows it is your favorite  He wraps you in a fuzzy blanket because it is snowing outside, and is content watching you fall asleep by the fireplace. He carries you up to bed, and tucks you in with the thickest blanket he has in the house. Then he looks at your back view one more time, flips off the light switch, and prepares himself emotionally, because he knows that when he flings open the guestroom door the next morning, all he would see is ruffled sheets and an empty bed.

Still , he musters up a smile, and goes on about his daily routine, believing in his heart that you would return to his side. Someday.

#30daychallenge Day 2

Hi guys! I know I have spammed this newly-created space but I can't help it! Hehe. Today's actually the 2nd day of my #30daychallenge project, and I just finished writing the second entry not long ago. Today's topic was really random and I thought of it in a flash, but it's something that rings back close to my heart, and I felt it deserved a spot above all the other topics I decide to write later on.

Here is the person I respect most in the entire world, and it's just really one of those things that is extremely personal to you, yet you want to share it with the whole world so they can see how beautiful it is as well. And today what can be more apt than this beautiful woman?

Sorry for the grainy picture, and my messy hair. But the highlight should be on the person next to me. ^^

Taken 14th May 2013

 Hi everybody, meet the person I respect the most in the world, my beloved grandmother. I call her 'Mama' as an endearing term, and that describes how she is exactly, a lovely woman in my eyes, and I'm sure in the eyes of everyone who knows her as well.

She has been an important part of my life pretty much since I was born. I was flipping through a photo album and there was a photo of her holding my newborn self. I looked so tiny, and she looked so young, and I couldn't help but smile to myself. When we were still living in our old house, she would commute from her house to ours every SINGLE day just to take care of us. When I stepped out of the school gates after school every afternoon, she would be standing there, waving happily at me, and then we would proceed to walk home together, she carrying my crazily-heavy school bag. When she packed up to leave home, I remember my childish self crying because I didn't want her to go. But she would go, and then I would take comfort in the fact that she would appear again the next day without fail.

There were many times my childish self took her for granted. She would scold me for the things I did wrong, she would nag at me a lot to study hard and be a useful person in the future, and sometimes I demanded more and more from her than what she had already gave me. Now I look back and I think, what was wrong with me? Her harshness towards me is completely justified, because without those advices and naggings, I probably wouldn't know how important it is to work hard and be serious in whatever you do. Thank you Mama, for teaching me lessons I could never have learnt in any classroom, nor from any textbook no matter how well-written it was. I want to tell you I am sorry for the times I have not treated you well, or even ignored you, just because I was so preoccupied with doing my own stuff my own way. I realize it's completely wrong and I want to tell you I have changed for the better. I hope you can see the change in me, and that you will be happy as well. To a huge extent, you made me a better person.

Before we moved to my current house, there was a 2 month period where we had nowhere to go for we had sold the condo, yet the new flat wasn't ready yet. Mama kindly offered her house for all of us to stay in temporarily. I was so happy, because I could see her everyday. Even though it was a squeeze for all of us, she still shared her bed and living room with us willingly. I slept at really late hours, so I would remember all the times she would get up to cover blankets for us, to check if the aircon was too hot or too cold, and she would stay up to wait for us if we stayed out late. She would make honey water for me every morning, and ask me to bathe when I reached home because the sun was too unbearably hot. When we moved to the current house we are staying in now, which is ridiculously deserted and in the middle of nowhere (perks of being the last block on the estate), she didn't come round as much anymore. Even I feel the exhaustion from having to walk 15 minutes under the scorching hot sun just to get to my block, so I understand. Now that I am bigger and more independent, I visit her at her house instead. Sometimes it's difficult, with schedules being filled up really fast especially during school durations, but then again, I would sacrifice any amount of time as long as I can spend it with her. I remember during the holidays when we would meet weekly, chilling over zi char at the coffeeshop that was downstairs her house, or preparing home-cooked food in her tiny one-room flat together. I don't usually like to cook, but I'll always look forward to cooking at Mama's house because it's so much more fun.

It's hard to find people who love you wholeheartedly with whatever they have, but Mama makes doing that sound effortless. She's a small woman (runs in the genes), but she's got one of the biggest hearts I have ever seen. I remember when I broke up and was a huge wreck, crying uncontrollably every day and refusing to come out of my room. She cried with me and for me, and that was the first time I saw her cry. I was scared, and I vowed never to make her shed tears anymore. I remember when I casually mentioned about getting a computer, and she brought me to Best Denki to buy one before the month was over. I'm typing on it now, and I would never forget the sentimental value of this old baby, even though it can get cranky and slow, I still love it dearly. She would patiently listen to me talk about my random days and friends in my horribly broken Chinese, but she would still laugh along with me and give me advice when I needed it. She would walk me to the busstop everytime after our dinner, wait for me to board the bus and wave, before walking to buy the newspaper and making her way back home. She would give me money everytime I went to visit her, and no matter how much I tried to push away, she would refuse to take it back. It was funny, I remember. She taught me to make wanton (dumplings) from scratch, and cook wanton soup. During Chinese New Year every year, she would prepare a huge spread for all of us, even with abalone which I love, but no one else seems to eat.

I always picture her at my wedding, in the future, and then I would give a speech about how she is the most important person in my life, and how I am amazed at the extent of her capacity to love. It's funny how when little memories of the people you love come flooding back, you get all choked up yet immense happiness bubbles inside of you all at once. I don't want to imagine the day Mama is gone and I would have to live my life without her, but I know it is inevitable and we all perish one day. But I know that before any of that happens, I want to spend as much time as I possibly can with the woman I love like no tomorrow.

Mama, I just want to say that without you, I will not be where I am today. I can't express my gratitude enough for whatever you have done for me all my life, and I want you to be happy and safe. That is all. When you are smiling, I will smile too. Someone told me I inherited your features and that we look similar, and I was happy, because to me, you are the most beautiful person inside and out, in my life and I am honoured to take after you.

MAMA, 我爱你很多很多! Xie xie ni. 

That's about it, and to be honest, I teared up while crafting this post because I felt so overwhelmed with love. She's the person who inspired me to love and appreciate people for who they are, and for that itself I am eternally grateful. Sorry for my long-windedness! 

Will you try the #30daychallenge out as well? I would love it if I knew that I'm not the only solo crazy person doing this out there! (:

#30daychallenge Day 1

Day 1 was the afore-mentioned "Letter to Myself' segment I talked about in the previous post. I wrote a long, rambling letter to future me, but then I decided not to post the full entry because, well, 1) It's super duper long and not organised properly, 2) It contains a lot of nonsense sections which makes sense to me and 3) It has some personal stuff in it as well. Just couldn't help myself and let my crazy brain take over.

I wrote a paragraph about making the most of life, and I think I will post that here because I find it really meaningful, and I'm quite surprised I actually worded it the way I did. So here's to #30daychallenge, Day 1! Completed! Yay!

Letter to 25-Year-Old-Me

14^th May 2013

Summer Holidays. AY2012/2013, Semester 2.

Dear Self, 

Write, like how you have always loved to do. Never stop writing, never stop turning to it as an outlet to express whatever feelings inside you. Respect and love the people around you, for they are the ones who matter. Treasure them while they are alive, because you don't want to regret it when they are gone and you start to feel lonely. Travel, when you have the means to fund yourself. Don't hold back, visit all the places you always wanted to visit. Korea, Italy, Taiwan, Thailand, even nearby Malaysia just for the fun of it, and then plan more places to travel. Buy a DSLR, photograph everything and anything like silly camera amateurs, just to experience the satisfaction rushing through your veins. Shoot gorgeous pictures of the sunrise, sunset, farms, plains, mountains, cities, people, pets, flowers, plants, everything. Even those panorama views which you used to dislike, but yet still found intriguing. Especially those breathtaking views from the airplane window, just a little while after takeoff, and shortly before landing in a totally foreign place. Look back at every single photo you have taken, and then appreciate them, over and over again. It will pay off, but most importantly, you will be happy. More than happy. 

Cheers,

20 Year Old Self.   

The actual entry itself is much, much longer so I will spare everyone of having to read all the random thoughts I have penned down. I find the above paragraph really inspiring, and truly, I hope that one day I will be able to do all the things I have stated above. Thank you reader for finding your way here. 

#30daychallenge

Hi again!

It's currently summer break over here, exams have just ended and I am so thankful for that! That day, I was trying to write some more but I had some writer's block (as always), so my mind drifted and suddenly, I was reminded of this 'Letters to Myself' someone posted on some social media platform I happened to chance upon years ago. I was thinking it was quite cool, but never got about to doing one myself.

Then an even better idea struck me, and I just had this crazy thought, what if I turned it into a month-long project for myself? I haven't been writing for leisure much this semester (not counting academic essays) and this just seemed pretty fun to do. So here I am, with the #30daychallenge (not a creative hashtag I know..). Every night, I'll think of a topic to write on, and then go ahead with it and see what I can come up with!

I know this blog is pretty new, so no one (if anyone) actually may come across this, but if you do, and if you have time to spare, why not right? Let's do something fun and completely random just for the sake of it!

#30daychallenge, Let's Go! *Keeping my fingers crossed that I can get through with this somehow..

Cheers guys!

Maomao

As a young boy, he had the things most people wished they had. A big room, toys, an absolutely loving family, and his pet maltese who followed him everywhere he went. But above all these, he had a stuffed panda that he loved unconditionally. It went everywhere with him; to sleep, to mealtimes, to kindergarten, to visiting his relatives; everywhere. It was affectionately known to him as Maomao, and was black with splotches of white around its eyes and tummy and along its fluffy tail.

Jeremy was at the toy store with his parents one day when he was a tender 5 years old. His eyes had zoomed in on Maomao and had never left then. He stood by the shelf that Maomao was on until his parents finally gave in and bought him the stuffed toy. His hands enveloped Maomao's soft fur, and at that instant he had formed a deep attachment to it. From then on, Jeremy was to be Maomao's fierce, loyal protector. 

When he was 5 years old, his sister had walked into his room, looking for her colouring book that she had somehow misplaced during the course of the day. She was rummaging around on his incredibly messy bed, and had accidentally knocked Maomao over. He fell on to the floor with a dull thud. At that instant, Jeremy had just finished dinner and walked back into his room. Witnessing the scene, he dashed forward in fury and slapped his sister on the face. He then proceeded to pick Maomao up from the floor and clutched tightly to the stuffed toy. His sister cried, shocked at her brother's outburst, and ran out of the room with tears flowing from her eyes. Jeremy couldn't care less about his sister, in his eyes, only Maomao mattered. 

When he was 10 years old, Jeremy was in grade 4 in elementary school. His parents had enrolled him in the best school in the town, and in order to do that, they had scrimped considerably to secure him that position. Their wishes for him was that he would have a bright future ahead of him, unlike them who had not had a chance to be educated beyond secondary level education. Despite his parents' hard work, Jeremy had never had much interest in studying. He would spend his evenings playing with Maomao, cuddling him as the both of them would watch television together until bedtime. He flunked most of his term tests, was reclusive at school and had few friends. His parents were worried for him but continued to shower him with love, hoping that one day he would come to his senses and make some effort in his academic life. Jeremy's mother would make him a bowl of mushroom soup every evening to accompany his study sessions. One particular evening, she had tripped over one of Jeremy's toy cars lying about on the floor of his room, and in the process, a bit of soup spilled on Maomao who was lying at Jeremy's feet. His mother had ended up with a sprained ankle, but all Jeremy was concerned about was Maomao. Frantically, he wiped at the top of Maomao's head, never casting the slightest glance at his mother, who was tearing on the floor because of the extreme pain she felt. Subsequent nights, when his mother brought him soup as usual, he never touched it. It would lie on the desk, exposed to the air until it turned cold. Jeremy couldn't be bothered, not about his parents, not about his studies, but only about Maomao. 

When he was 15 years old, Jeremy was admitted into one of the town high schools, because of his mediocre results. He still had few friends, but one of them from his elementary school, Jason had stuck by him. He was the closest to what Jeremy could call a best friend. But yet, in Jeremy's heart, Maomao always took first place. That day, Jason had asked Jeremy to stayover so they could watch the Champion's League together. Jeremy had agreed and the same evening, Jeremy turned up at Jason's doorstep, duffel bag and Maomao in hand. They enjoyed dinner together, and after doing their homework for that day, they settled on the couch with popcorn, ready to tune into the match. Jason turned to Jeremy. 

"Why does your panda go everywhere with you?" 

"Maomao's my best friend."

"He's a stuffed toy. Don't you think you're a bit too old for him?" Jason replied casually, shrugging his shoulders. Jeremy however, got insulted, and his expression changed to a livid one. He turned sharply to glare at Jason.

"Just because Maomao is more important than you doesn't give you the right to be jealous of him, you know?" That was the beginning of a cold war between the 2 boys, silence ensued as none of them were willing to talk to each other. Jason was hurt by what Jeremy had said, afterall they were good friends, why did Jeremy have to shoot him down like that? With the awkward, tense atmosphere lingering in the air, the sleepover never happened. Jeremy trudged across the road to his house halfway through the match, still in a fit of anger. All the while, Maomao never left his side. 

Several nights later, Jeremy lay in bed past his bedtime. He had gone through a particular horrible day, and Jeremy had felt exceptionally bad that day. As he wrapped himself in a blanket, he stared into Maomao's glassy eyes and questioned the existence of his life. Why was he alive in the first place? No one wanted to talk to him, no one asked him out to play. He was lonely. As he thought and thought, the sour feeling that was already present within him increased in intensity. He looked at the panda once again, wishing that Maomao could give him some kind of insight. But pin-drop silence just became magnified by ten times. 

Silence. Nothingness. It struck him at that instant. Maomao did not give him a reponse because he was incapable. He was a stuffed toy and would never give him any sort of response. Maomao wasn't his best friend, Maomao was just a stuffed toy panda. That night, he was forced to make a difficult decision. 

The next morning, Jeremy stepped outside his house with Maomao in hand/ Taking a deep breath, he walked towards the blue bin, lifted the lid and placed Maomao in it. Taking a long last glance at the black and white stuffed toy who had accompanied him through 15 years of his life, he closed the dustbin lid and walked away with tears in his eyes. He had gone through with his decision, had thrown not only the stuffed toy away, but also the memories with Maomao. They never never to surface again, never to have an impact in his life anymore. As the last tear dropped onto the ground, he didn't look back, not once. 

Although it was painful, taking a step back from Maomao allowed Jeremy to see the important things that lay before him. 

His sister ran to hug him tightly. 

His parents smiled at him lovingly and with pride.

His best friend, Jason grinned at him, gave him a brotherly pat on his back, and raced him to the field to play football together. 

His teacher gave him an encouraging gaze, and offered to help him in his studies. 

It was then that he realized he had been wrong. He wasn't lonely. He had the most wonderful people around him, always by his side. But he was so obsessed with Maomao that he was blinded to everything around him. Thanking God for what he was blessed with, he smiled. 

His life started now, and it no longer consisted of black and white fur. It was glowing bright, bright like the stars in the clear night sky. 

Sometimes, all we need is a little jolt to wake us up to our senses, to make us realize that life is so much more meaningful if we live it to the fullest. 

20th April, 2013.