#30daychallenge Day 12

First of all, MERRY CHRISTMAS EVERYBODY! ^^

The Christmas spirit bug hit me a few days ago, and I was in the mood to write a story, and so doing, resume my hiatus from my #30daychallenge blogging. I know (for the millionth time) that I haven't been doing this faithfully, but I promise I will try! December has been a really busy month for me, so hope that you who are reading this understands!

Anyway I shall not go on and on like an old hag! Shall leave all of you with this short Christmas story, am actually really excited to share it with you all even though it may not be up to standards. Your biggest present to me would be to show some support and read on =P Haha!

#30daychallenge Day 12
A Special Christmas Post!
"The Heart of Christmas"

Faith sat by the sandbox at the playground she used to frequent since she was a kid. Between her fingers she fiddled with an item of gold, it's shiny color glinting in the late afternoon sun. Finally, she had waited all week for the sun to come out from its hiding place among the clouds, providing some warmth to the otherwise cold winter season. There was nothing better than experiencing the shining sun on your back while being able to spot pure white snow on the ground at the same time. Faith smiled to herself, her favorite time of the year was here again.

Santa isn't real. The little girl repeated to herself silently after being chided by her mother earlier that morning. Faith wanted that puppy so badly. She had been watching TV and the actor had announced with glee, “As long as you tell Santa Claus your wishes, he will surely grant it to all you good children!” Faith had been so excited, she talked to Santa every single night before she fell asleep for an entire month. Christmas Eve, she got up extra early, rushed down the stairs two at a time, dashed to the Christmas tree, her eyes spotting that one big package that was waiting for her. She ripped open the package full of anticipation, only to see a toy unicorn that could blink its beady black eyes. Disappointment swelled within her and tears started to form. That Christmas Eve, Faith wasn't happy at all. Santa Claus wasn't real and wishes didn't come true.

Faith wiped her tears away as she heard a knock on the front door. Sniffing, she opened the door to find her beloved grandmother standing on the porch, wrapped in a maroon scarf and wearing a big grin on her face. Faith instantly brightened, her grandmother stayed at the other end of the city and hardly came to visit! Faith pulled her grandmother's hand, urging her to come into the house and away from the cold. As grandma unwound her scarf, she gazed fondly at Faith.

“Someone's been crying, I see! Tell grandma what can possibly make my princess sad on this happy occasion?” And Faith poured out her story, dismay evident in her voice. She was puzzled when grandma gave her a bemused look, and then laughed. Why did grandma find it funny? It wasn't!

“Oh, my dear. Santa Claus isn't real, that's true. But just because of that, would you hate Christmas? It's your favorite holiday after all.” Faith gave her grandma's words some thought. She loved Christmas. Why? And then she began to understand. Santa Claus didn't define Christmas. Santa Claus wasn't even that big a part of why she loved Christmas.

She loved playing in the knee-deep snow. She loved building snowmen and snow castles out in the front garden. She loved how she and her mother would put up the Christmas tree and dig up all the shiny baubles to hang on the shedding branches. She loved waking up on Christmas Eve morning and spotting all the presents below the tree, but more than that, she loved how all the family would sit beside the tree, tearing wrapping paper apart and appreciating their gifts together, and then having a paper ball fight afterwards. She loved that grandma came to visit and always gave her that loving smile which made her feel fuzzy inside. And most of all, she loved the feeling of warmth and comfort when the entire family sat down to eat dinner together on the evening of Christmas day itself. Her brother would give her the biggest portion of turkey knowing that was her favorite Christmas food. And after that, her parents would specially come up to her room, clear all the presents she had received off her bed, sit by her side and give her a goodnight kiss. These were all the reasons why she loved Christmas, not some silly Santa Claus.

“And besides, who needs Santa Claus when you have your grandma?” Grandma's smiled seemed to have broadened, as she pulled something from behind her back. Faith was eager to see what her grandma had brought her, and her spirits lifted just that little bit. Grandma handed her a package wrapped in red wrapping paper, and Faith could hardly contain her excitement as she tore off the paper. Before her eyes was a box of Ferero Rocher. Faith was confused, why had her grandma get her a box of chocolates? She could get them at the snack store just a street away from her house anytime.

“Why, grandma?” Faith asked, her eyes wide with curiosity.

“Do you know that Ferero Rocher has many layers? After eating the first layer of almond-coated chocolate, we then go on to eat the biscuit wafer, which covers the hardened milk chocolate layer, and beneath that, at the center of it all, is the walnut. Christmas is just like a Ferero Rocher, with many layers to it. When we think of Christmas, we think of material things like presents, Christmas trees, turkey and log cakes. All these make up the outer layers of what Christmas means. But when we look beyond all of that, we see that there is actually more. All that you mentioned before, the fuzzy feeling you get when the family sits down to dinner, the satisfaction you get when building snowmen in the snow, the way your face lights up when you open the door and see me standing in front of you in the winter cold, and likewise, the warmth I feel when I see you too, all these are the core of Christmas. When you eat the chocolate, remember what I've told you today my dear, and remember what Christmas truly means to you.”

Faith listened intently, nodding in agreement as her grandma spoke to her tenderly. She got it now. It didn't matter if there wasn't any Santa Claus with his flying reindeer. It didn't even matter if she didn't get her puppy wish granted this time. Her Christmas wish had come true. The heart of Christmas had come to her.

18^th December 2013

______________________________________________________________

Maybe you might be questioning : Why Ferero Rocher? 

Actually the above story is inspired by something very personal to me, but to explain it means to launch into another long-winded story altogether. All I shall summarize is that even though everyone is so caught up in buying gifts for loved ones and other various preparations during this festive season, let us not be too carried away by the commercialization of this holiday period to forget the true meaning of Christmas: That God so loved the world He sent His son Jesus Christ to die for our sins. And in doing so, He has displayed His great love for all of us on earth. In the same way, let's remember to pay it forward and show our love to the people around us as well! Without love, there won't be any Christmas season in the first place. 

Blessed holidays everyone! ^^

Piece Of Winter

I want to eat ice cream while walking down snow-lined pavements in the evening, watching the sun set and never having to worry about the ice cream melting because it won’t

I want to wake up on a chilly winter morning, look out of the window and see the first snowflakes leaving their delicate imprints on the glass.

I want to drive across a bridge spanning the river, watching the waves lap gently against the stone walls, watching people jog along the canals wearing track pants and pullovers instead of singlets and running shorts, because the weather is too cold and freezing.

I want to stop in the middle of some crowded street, watching live band performances on a makeshift stage along with random people I don’t know, halfway across the world, all decked in down-feather jackets and scarves and beanies, forming little puffs of air when they breathe out the cold winter air and bobbing their heads to the pop music altogether.

I want to do the things I did several years ago, and I want to do them in an unfamiliar environment that is not hot, forever-sunny Singapore. Piece of winter, why am I not part of your world right now? ):

Missing Korea too much, too much. 

Over

I know there's a bigger world out there, and I wish to see it all. Someday, somehow, sometime I will be in a different time zone, in a different place. I've been thinking about this so much more regularly now, partly because the semester is over and so are examinations! (yay!) I'm glad that this has been such a blessed 5 months, even though it really seemed like time flashed past in a bolt of lightning. Truthfully, I made a promise to myself to make the most of this year, because IF it were to be my last semester, I wanted to end it memorably. And I couldn't have been more thankful for the way this semester turned out. Not because of my ideals and how I wanted it to be, but each and every single one of the wonderful people that made life that much brighter. I'm so glad, and if I could relive these 5 months, I wouldn't change a thing at all. Now is to look forward to next semester, and hopefully.. honours year? Trusting God so much on this, but in every circumstance, I know He has a plan for me. 

Thank you to everybody! Will post a proper post soon hopefully. Been sick with flu these few days and hoping to recover fast. God bless!

Time

Live in the moment, because moments can only be lived once and once through.

Walk along the street lamps at the middle of the night, enjoy the silence, enjoy the feeling that the usually-crowded pathway is yours only for the night. Count the number of steps you take like you have all the time in the world.

Cross the empty road that's plagued by heavy traffic in the daytime. Only one car zooms past you. That feeling is fantastic.

Take the public bus and relish the satisfaction you get from being the only passenger on board. Bid the driver, who's usually grouchy during peak hours, goodnight and see how he's actually one friendly soul as he smiles brightly back at you.

Cuddle in bed and watch your favourite movies, one after the other, until daybreak comes and you fall asleep with the computer still on. How many times do we get to sleep when the sun rises? When we were teenagers, it happened to be a nightly affair. As we grow older, we feel tired, we feel the ache in our bones and the pounding in our heads when we try to keep awake for long hours at a stretch. Treasure the time now.

Honestly, how much of this will I miss?

A lot, definitely.

It's difficult to live in the moment, but let's try.

Goodnight guys, just feeling really accomplished tonight after 12 straight hours in school today.
<3 you all

Thoughts from a sleepless night.

Sometimes, I don’t dare to write/type down exactly what’s been on my heart for so long. It feels like once those words are etched out on somewhere concrete, they just materialize and what was once previously ‘nothing’ suddenly transforms into a ‘something’. 

Like when a person drops all her books on the floor in front of us, and just because we see what happens, we have an obligation to help her pick up all her stuff. When people say something is ‘out of sight, out of mind’, do they really mean it? 

So many things I want to say, but I don’t know where to start. Or maybe, just some part deep within me is just wishing the words in the mind will magically disappear forever, then everything can seem normal and fine. Does it work that way?

So scared of what's to come, this time ten times stronger because everything feels too good to be true and so uncertain right now. Let's just wait and see what happens. Stop screwing things up self, please.

Nostalgia.

I have had about 4 blogs ever since I was introduced to social media, and over the span of almost a decade, I have written hundreds of blog posts. And I remember many a time when I wrote about nostalgia. It's such a cliche topic, sometimes I decide to close the webpage in the midst of drafting a post. But tonight, nostalgia hits again, in a strangely warming-your-heart-and-making-it-fuzzy way. 

A friend showed me a video of my Junior College (link: https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10153421830145492). I'm a sucker for tribute videos of ANY sort, and even the smallest prompts can bring about a huge wave of memories being unlocked for a super long time. I planned to watch like one minute of the video but I couldn't stop until the end. And as scene after scene of familiarity flashed before me, I sunk deeper and deeper into this pond of nostalgia. I miss SRJC. But then again, I miss my secondary school, SACSS. And turning the clock even earlier than that, I miss my primary school, SACPS, even. 

I happened to watch another music video about growing up. It was filmed in such a moving way I couldn't help but be totally captured by it. Growing up is mundane, especially when you're living life in the moment. (Like right now, I'm typing this and 10 seconds have passed) You don't think much of it, but as time passes, and time seems to pass the fastest when you don't pay attention to it, you will one day look back suddenly and realize, what has happened? The classroom you once hated so much and couldn't wait to get out of, now becomes a memorial site where you look back on precious school day memories fondly. You walk past the bus stop where you waited for the school bus at 6am every morning ten years ago, sleepy-eyed and cursing the fact that you were awake at such ungodly timings. Now, it is half past twelve in the afternoon, the bus stop is empty, all the kids are currently in school. Momentarily, you are transported back to the past, where the sky is still dark, lights from the lamppost above seem exceptionally bright, the road is quiet except the occasional  car zooming past. You eat your breakfast of kaya bread while waiting for the stupid school bus, wishing it wouldn't come so you can run home, jump into bed and sleep for a few more hours. But you know that doesn't happen, and as the bus arrives, you board it bleary-eyed, sighing at the thought of spending the entire day in school. 

We wanted so much to grow up and grow out of school. But when we finally do leave school, we look back at those unbearable years and suddenly wonder why we didn't make the best of it then. I used to roll my eyes at people who reminded me time and again to treasure my school days, because you will never get them back. Stop being so sappy, I thought. But tonight, that video has unbelievably triggered off something within me and I desperately wanna return to the uncomplicated, spontaneous, youthful days. Yet I know it is impossible, unless someone builds a time machine in the near future. I think it's time to treasure each moment of our lives, before they dissolve into mere memories and slowly become forgotten over the years. Apart from that, thank God for advanced technology that can record our young and silly years. Something we can always look back to and feel fuzzy all over again is always something good, right? 

P.S I love the song in the video, why is Mayday so awesome?! *fangirls

#30daychallenge Day 11

Hello guys! I am back FINALLY with another #30daychallenge!
I know it's been eons since my last writing challenge, but my fingers are itching to type something tonight so here it is! Hope you guys enjoy!


#30daychallenge Day 11 
Post a photo of the outdoors // Write about life



Okay! I randomly scrolled through my photos and this is the one that first caught my eye, so I'm gonna use this one! This was taken just around a month and a half ago, at East Coast Park, Singapore. That day, my phone decided not to fail me, and I'm really glad it actually managed to capture the actual colours of the landscape (most of the time, the pictures my phone captures are just, duller than usual).

So, first thing that comes to mind when I look at this? Tranquility. Like, the "Tree of Tranquility" in the Harvest Moon series. But honestly, I love the blend of colours in the photo. It's like green, blue, white and a tinge of golden all mixed together to paint the most pretty scenery ever.

That afternoon, we took a really long walk along the stretch of East Coast Beach, looking for my friend's birthday chalet. I remember the sun was really high above us in the sky, and the weather was scorching so badly. Then we passed this pond, and stood under the trees for a while for some shade. When I was younger, I used to frequent ECP alot, since my grandmother's house was super nearby. When the clock struck 5pm, we would dig out all our pails and shovels, walk through the long echo-y tunnel and sprint the straight path right to the beach. We would dump our sandcastle-building equipment near the edge of the water, jump into the sea and splash each other with water, and then climb out again and start to challenge each other to see who could build the largest and prettiest sandcastle. I remember my grandmother would lay out a bamboo mat and sit down, yelling at us not to go too deep into the water. Sometimes, she would help us build the sandcastles patiently, while we went off to pick seashells. After we went back to her house, she would make us stand in a row, fetch a large pail of water and make us wash our feet before she would let us enter the living room. Those were the times man.

Anyway, back to the topic. I remember in those times, we were so fascinated when we first saw the pond. We ran right up to the edge of it and peered inside. Turtles! So many of them, we couldn't even count. They would peek their wrinkly heads out of the water to look at us, then dart back in as quickly as possible. We would bring bread to throw to them, and they would gobble the crumbs up with a greedy expression on their faces. We loved the pond.

Now, many years later, the memories slowly flow back as I stood there in the exact same spot, looking out into the middle of the pond. The turtles (at least majority of them) were no longer there. We could make out the outline of schools of grey fishes though, but as our shadows touched the water, they seemed to dissolve deep below the water's surface, until we couldn't see them anymore. The pond was stagnant, unlike the ripples that would form every few seconds in the past. There was a slight sea breeze, so the trees rustled really softly. We just stood there, drinking in the scenery before us. It was just a normal pond surrounded by really moist, damp grass, but it was more than that for me.

The green grass, the (murky) greenish-blue pond water, the sky littered with white fluffy clouds, all this blended together in an amazing way. Life; isn't it a blend of random sights that together make a more than perfect picture?

We happened to glance towards our right, and we spotted under the shade of the leaves a tent. Two people were inside of it, presumably catching some shut-eye on that quiet, humid afternoon. There was hardly anyone else around. Just us, the two sleeping people, and the slight breeze that blew past us. Life's Secret Garden.

Unspeakable Language

So recently, I found out about something really interesting, its this book written by this Italian guy. So what right, its just a book..
BUT! Its so fascinating in that it is written in an entirely unknown language, with weird illustrations of plants and animals and food and humans and hybrids etc etc.

"The book is an encyclopedia in manuscript with copious hand-drawn colored-pencil illustrations of bizarre and fantasticalflora, fauna, anatomies, fashions, and foods. It has been compared to the Voynich manuscript, Tlön, Uqbar, Orbis Tertius, and the works of M.C. Escher and Hieronymus Bosch.^"

I really, really love this kind of stuff! So when I found an online PDF copy of the book, I was super excited to browse through it. It was the entire book so it took pretty long to load up, but it was so worth it! The next half an hour I spent scrolling through page after page of colourful drawings of the most surreal pictures ever. I found it pretty therapeutic to look at those drawings and imagine what the author was probably trying to convey. I don't think people would bother wasting time on this like me, but then again, I think of the amount of time and effort put into creating this masterpiece and I get thrilled and excited all over again. Oh well, maybe I'm just weird like that. 




I find the image on the right really adorable for some reason, imagine if trees could do that, they would never die out due to lack of water. Something awesome hehe


Weird birds. The way in which he illustrates his ideas really, really appeal to me, I don't know why too. Just very.. thought-provoking.


Most of all, I really love the COLOUR. The illustrations are all SO colourful and vibrant just looking at them makes me happier.

Hehe there are so many more pictures and I could take forever to think of what they could possibly stand for, but that's for me to do in my own free time. This post is kinda random, but that's what happens when I can't get to sleep.. You can explore this awesome work of art if you're as bored as me too!
http://www.cetteadressecomportecinquantesignes.com/Luigi.Serafini.-.Codex.Seraphinianus.pdf (thank God for online literature)

What if such pretty, obscure imagery came to life? I reckon it would be like living in a fantasy world, I definitely would embrace such oddity. (: Goodnight guys!

Planes, flight, another world.

Just a few nights ago, I was doing some work in the middle of the night. Felt super lethargic and stressed so decided to take a breather and naturally, looked out the window. I know I always mention how I prefer studying at night because I love listening to the quietness the night brings along with it. That night, I spotted a plane in the sky, taking off to wherever it was destined to land a couple hours later. Instinctively, as the plane ascended higher and higher up into the clouds, so did my thoughts fly along with it.

The imagery of planes really stirs this compelling urge somewhere deep within me to just leave everything, pack a bag, and go hop on one just so I can get out of Singapore and start an adventure, myself. Out in the world somewhere is a whole different population of people. Different timezone, different season, different culture, different sights and places to appreciate and admire. I'm stuck in this tiny small room with a mountain pile of books and papers in front of me, but compared to all this, there's something more. Life goes on right? As I'm typing down these words, one by one, someone is waking up and drinking coffee, reading newspapers and preparing himself for a brand new day. Someone else shares an umbrella with the person she loves, both squealing with laughter as they race through the empty streets illuminated by nothing other than tall lampposts, immersed in no one else but each other (It's raining now so I just got this thought hehe). Someone has just been born, someone's fulfilling life may just have ended blissfully.

I want to climb mountains, sit in small cozy cafes the whole day drinking cup after cup of coffee and people-watching, walk through crowds of people at the junctions of the busiest road in another town, explore hidden tiny street lanes, be able to smell the fragrance of flowers every morning that I wake up, be excited over snowflakes leaving their imprints on my window, wear a winter jacket and beanies and still feel the chill of the air, eat ice creams in winter just to see how long they take to melt (never), and just be somewhere where I don't have to care what I do because no one knows me at all.

Sometimes, or most of the time actually, we're so immersed in our own small little lives we forget that there's actually a whole gigantic large system that's happening beyond our immediate line of vision. I can see the expressway just next to my house, but this very single expressway leads to a whole transportation network of other expressways, linking all the obscure Singaporean roads to each other. The causeway leads to a new country that is Malaysia even, and from there we can always hop on a boat or aeroplane to pretty much wherever. Southeast Asia. Asia. Tropic of Cancer, Tropic of Capricorn, even as far as Europe and Greenland and Antarctica. The world. Even the universe and the entire galaxy, how small are we all as mere people?

Back to that particular night, as my eyes traced the plane, I wanted to be somewhere else, doing something else, creating new memories in a completely new place.

Wanderlust strikes again. And back to the books.

Heartfelt.

Today I was upset over something and for the first time in a really long time, I cried. I cried myself to sleep and gave myself 2 hours to cry everything out and promised to put all this behind me and try harder next time. Now I'm awake at 1.51am, with swollen puffy eyes, feeling so groggy but thankfully, also feeling so much better.

It's amazing how when you're upset people are there for you every step of the way, comforting you, asking after you regularly to make sure you're fine, even bearing with all your angsty, bitchy nonsense because they know you're just in a terrible mood and it will pass when you have cooled down. I'm sorry I have been such a horrible friend, only thinking of my own interests and ignoring what all of you have been trying to tell me. There's no reason to doubt my abilities when all of you believe in them so much. Need to start having more faith in my capabilities, but where to start?

I blogged once about being halfway up a ladder and a force constantly pushing you back. I know how that feels, and the feeling isn't something that one wants to experience, ever. Sure, setbacks help to build one's resilience, but what about multiple setbacks even after resilience has been built up so much? At some point, won't everything start crashing down, won't everything that has been accumulated start to crumble or crack at the lack of accomplishment? Tonight, I have crumbled, but I promise that I will get back on my feet, more importantly, start climbing that ladder again. I feel like I don't have enough time, but I know that's merely just an excuse. There's always gonna be time, it's how I'm planning on using that time. (Oh man, what a cliche again). I will finish this tough climb up, and emerge strong(er) than I am now.

I just happened to look out of my window. Everything looks so familiar, just as it always once was in the middle of the night. However, tonight, I see that the street lamps are glaring just a little bit brighter, I hear leaves rustling and falling onto the road (something I haven't seen for a long time), trees are swaying vigorously so it probably means it's going to rain, and I feel an impeccably strong sense of peace in my heart right now. I really hope this positive feeling lasts, cos I'm definitely going to need it. Thank God for helping me to see the light even in the darkness, all the time.

Care.

She laughed with glee as she sprinted across the courtyard, her little fingers balled into fists as she tried her best to keep up with the animal in front of her.

"Coco, come back here now!" She screamed, the wide grin never ever leaving her face as she chased after her beloved golden retriever. At last, panting, she caught up to him. He was such a handsome boy, and when he sat up straight, he was taller than the small 7 year old girl. Looking up at his owner, Coco nudged his furry head against her cheek, wagging his tail like no tomorrow. The girl hugged her pet tightly to her, as if she would never let go.

"I'll never, ever let you go. I love you too much." She whispered the words to nobody in particular, thankful that she had him for company, wherever she went. Coco heard, and he understood every single word of it.

_______________________________________________________________________________

When we decide to adopt a pet, we have the responsibility to look after it. We should do all we can to provide a loving home for the pet, even treat it as family. Humans know this instinctively, they know that they are obliged to take care of the pets that now belong to them.

But what about humans? Why do humans sometimes not bother to show some care and concern to fellow humans? Sometimes, things get overboard and ironically, humans don't care for their loved ones even. I was visiting at an old folks' home for one of my university modules yesterday, and I was stricken with grief most of the time, I would say. Ever since young, I dreaded going to old folks' homes and the like because I knew I would have a hard time witnessing the things that were happening around me. Outside, some of the elderly look so joyful, so at peace and they laugh heartily when you sit down and talk to them. But I know that no matter how optimistic they look on the outside, inside of them are just fragile souls wanting to be included, wanting to be loved by their own family members.

Yet, some of these family members want nothing to do with their elderly parents at all. I heard so many real-life stories of some of the elderly in the nursing home, and throughout, my heart broke again and again because some situations were just so terrible. Only one thought coursed through my mind:

Humanity is really, really ugly.

How can people bear to treat their loved ones with such cruelty and coldness? Have they not remembered that their parents were the ones who brought them up, gave them the opportunity to be where they are now? Yet not a single ounce of filial piety has been instilled in them. It was such a thought-provoking instance, I know I haven't expressed my feelings as well in this post, its really fueled by emotions but I'm really quite sensitive about this issue (sorry guys).

Told my daddy about my visit to the nursing home yesterday and he asked me earnestly "Will you take care of me in the future?"

I replied "I will never ever put you in the nursing home, you can come and live with me haha"

And the smile on his face is something I really cannot describe in words. Let's learn to love and be thankful for the people around us, every single day before its too late for regrets. This week has taught me so much about how its important to love.

Nugget.

Sorry for my long absence! Just wna leave a thought on this space since I haven't been writing much these few weeks. School has been hectic and everything else just seems to eat into the supposedly free time I have.

Tonight's mood is a rather pensive one, have been thinking alot about things. How replaceable can one person be?

‘They all leave in the end, it’s just one more.’ 

I had this thought. And perhaps it is true. Since everyone leaves in the end, why do we bother with friendships so much now? Dont get me wrong, it's just a thought.

I will be back, hopefully soon, with a proper post. Today's one was just to write things down and make myself feel a little less horrible. Thank you for sticking by this space, love you all <3

#30daychallenge Day 10

#30daychallenge
Day 10 : Write a Short Poem 
16th August 2013

This is completely random. Gonna challenge myself to come up with a poem on the spot. Honestly, I used to write lots and lots of poems a few years back, it was a way of expression and the words would come freely. I haven't done it in a long time, so the poetic chamber of my brain is undoubtedly rusty (and sleepy because it's 1am!). Gonna give it a shot anyway!

Dark is her surroundings, and silence is heightened
She glances out the window, the vast sky comes into view
Stars are twinkling, because of their company the moon seems to brighten
The constructed thoughts filled her mind
And as quickly as they came, so away they flew. 

When a pebble hits a water's surface
So do ripples form
They spread out in circles, floating out in gentle waves 
When a pebble is thrown at a tree, it's leaves rustle wildly
As if to protest in anger 
The disruption that invaded their moments of serenity.

When thoughts occupy a person's mind
It is difficult to erase away
This time they caused her pain and worry, 
But on the outside, she had to pretend to be fine. 

Those thoughts once brought her unending happiness
She felt like dancing around barefoot across the empty room
When reality decided to act out it's own plan, 
Sunny days came and gone, the impeding rain brought with it a face of ultimate gloom. 

Looking up at the stars,
She realized it was midnight, the clock had struck twelve
Holding the delicate dreams in her heart, she closed her eyes and made a wish
Whispered to the stars what she yearned for, a secret only to herself. 
She hoped one day the wishes would finally come true
Them maybe her dark grey skies would transform into a bright sky blue. 

I know this is cheesy, but hey, its the middle of the night. Got inspired by the scene outside my window (which is nothing more than darkness and street lights now). I have got to emphasize again, that I have not attempted a poem in ages. Do bear with me, and I'll be back with a post very soon. Happy weekends everyone! :D

#30daychallenge Day 9

I'm back after a crazy week of events! So sorry for going missing again guys, I've really been busy, what with a brand new semester starting and all, but I promise not to neglect this space for too long at a time! I know I have been lagging severely behind, and I honestly intended for this to be a one-shot-30-days kinda project, but I guess I have to modify that slightly because of the lack of time. ):

Anyway, here's Day 9 of the #30daychallenge! I hope you all enjoy reading hehe. :D

#30daychallenge - Day 9
If you've owned pets, list them here. If you never did, list pets you would like to have
12th August 2013

Since young, I have owned a variety of pets. Hamsters, rabbits, fishes (the most gorgeous blue fighting fish with a fancy swishy tail), a dog, guinea pigs... You name it, you have it. I loved them all and developed a connection towards each and every one of them, and as I grew older, the attachment to each pet grew stronger as well. 

I must say I'm fortunate enough to be able to afford so many pets, and the experiences I have with each one of them have been joyful ones for me, precisely because each pet was different and special in my eyes. Cliche, right? I don't know what other pets I will continue to have in the future, but the pet I would like to have would be the same one I once had and once loved with all my heart. 

                                          My incredibly handsome boy. 

I first got Cola when I was really young (like, 8 years old?), and when he first stepped into my house and into my arms, my young self promised I would never let him go. He was by my side for a good 12 years, before he finally grew old, passed on and left this world. I'm gonna dig up a post I wrote about him, because I don't think I could have expressed myself better than that. 

Listening to the radio now, this familiar song is playing once again.
I miss you waiting for me to come home, I miss the smell of your fur when I hugged you close every time I was sad, I miss how you were always the one to catch my falling tears.
I know you have departed from this world, so many years ago, but the time when you were there for me was one of the periods in my life I wouldn't forget.
You gave me the strength to approach others, to have confidence in myself, just knowing you were there to support me gave me all the courage I need.
But now you're gone, I have lost that special buddy I used to turn to when I was lost.
I know you are up there somewhere looking down at me, still wagging that golden brown tail of yours, wishing that I will be happy in whatever decisions I make.
I too, hope you are well. You taught me to give my all and be loyal to The people around me. And after all these years, you still hold that special place in my heart. No one or nothing will ever replace you, that is for sure.

I hope you are happy, Cola. I will always miss you, always love you.

- June 25th, 2012. 

You were once there for me, through every single up and down I faced, I knew I could tackle all the problems that were staring at me just because you gave me the strength to. Every day when I came home, I would feel so much better because of the way you looked up at me, every day I was reminded that there was somebody on earth that loved me regardless of how lousy I felt. I remember the day you left us, I refused to go send you off, because I was stricken with grief and crying under the covers at home. I blamed myself for not going to see you one last time, but I knew I couldn't bring myself to. Like I have said probably a thousand times, you are special to me, and even if you aren't physically here anymore, you will always be Cola to me, the dog that brought so much happiness to my life. Blogging about you makes me cry every single time, because deep down, I really, really miss you. I miss having such a steadfast companion, I miss the times when I could scoop you up and cuddle you close whenever I wanted, and how you were always that happy recipient of my affections, but not only that, you were an excellent giver of your love as well. 

I know you're in a better place now, and I am happy for you, Cola. 

Sending my love from earth. 

I love you. 

Oh goodness, this turned out to be such an emotional piece of writing, I have tears in my eyes now. Dogs are like humans in so many ways. To those who have dogs of their own, give them a hug and a kiss today alright? I don't think we can find better friends who stick by us through the good times and the bad. Hope you didn't get bored reading my (quite) long, sappy post. A happier one next time! 

Treasure Trove of Gold.

One Tin Soldier - Coven (1970)

Listen, children, to a story
That was written long ago,
'Bout a kingdom on a mountain
And the valley-folk below.

On the mountain was a treasure
Buried deep beneath the stone,
And the valley-people swore
They'd have it for their very own.

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away.

So the people of the valley
Sent a message up the hill,
Asking for the buried treasure,
Tons of gold for which they'd kill.

Came an answer from the kingdom,
"With our brothers we will share
All the secrets of our mountain,
All the riches buried there."

Go ahead and hate your neighbor,
Go ahead and cheat a friend.
Do it in the name of Heaven,
You can justify it in the end.
There won't be any trumpets blowing
Come the judgement day,
On the bloody morning after....
One tin soldier rides away.

Now the valley cried with anger,
"Mount your horses! Draw your sword!"
And they killed the mountain-people,
So they won their just reward.

Now they stood beside the treasure,
On the mountain, dark and red.
Turned the stone and looked beneath it...
"Peace on Earth" was all it said.

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Was reading an article on treasure hunting (Forrest Fenn's hidden treasure), and I was really fascinated. You can read it here. 
As humans, we always daydream to stumble upon a pot of gold one day, the key that unlocks the secret to riches, fame and everything materialistic one could ever imagine in the world. It is so funny that people go to such great lengths and possibly give up all they have to search all their lives for something that may never truly exist.

Treasure? 

I was reminded of the song above (click the video, someone illustrated it really well in picture form), which is a story about how people are so greedy for fortune that they killed the people who so generously offered to share the treasure, just because they wanted it for themselves. Is human greed something normal?

What if the treasure turned out to be something intangible, something that isn't physically present, yet could still mean the world to the person who hid it, hoping one day that the people who found it would finally understand that riches weren't the only asset they had gained, but the process that came with it was humbling enough to change their lives forever? 

Must treasure always be something that glitters, that can be sold for money, that can turn a nobody into an important person instantaneously? 

Not a post with much original content, but food for thought on a lazy, sleepy Sunday afternoon. Good day guys!

One Day

Pain seems to magnify a thousand times during the time we are experiencing it. That's why they say minutes feel like hours when we encounter negative situations, no? Dull aching, coupled with complete silence, makes it seem as though time will drag forever, or has already been frozen for a long time. 

"One day, after the countless tears that have fallen before, you will eventually wipe away that last tear, blink back the rest, and learn not to cry because of sadness again. 

One day, you will finally remember how it feels like to put a smile on your face, a genuine one, not forced, not false. And while you look cheerful on the outside, so will happiness be radiating from deep within your heart, like ripples on the water after a stone has been thrown, so infectious that people around you start smiling as well.

One day, you will dig out all those angst-y letters you have written all those times you felt like there was no more meaning to life anymore. A whole stack of them, tens of them. One by one, you open them up, re-read them although you already know what's imprinted on each and every piece of yellow paper. You will scoff at yourself for being an over-dramatic drama queen, laugh at how silly you were to have been tormented by those potential life-changing issues, which now look foolishly trivial. With resolution, you tear them into little pieces, ripping them apart until the memories begin to fly away, just like the hundred tiny pieces of paper, stained with blue ink, fluttering into the wastepaper bin. 

One day, you will find the energy to press the play button on that long-forgotten playlist of songs you absolutely loved. You will dance and sing along as loudly as you can to those familiar tunes, straining hard to listen to how the acoustic guitar and the drums were being played, counting each beat like you used to do so often, a habit that can't be gotten rid of. You look at the pile of CDs that are the sappy love songs, depressing and heartbreaking compositions, the music you listened to in the darkest moments. You can't throw them away, because they mark a point in your life that you once considered important, just not significant now. You stash them in the furthest corner of the cupboard, the melodies imprinted in your mind permanently, but the feelings attached to them slowly but surely fading away. 

One day, you will look around you and realize every single person who loves you, and has always been there to encourage you. And you will surely know, that it's time to give back some of your love, and care for them in return. 

One day, you will find yourself not tied down by the past anymore. That will be the day that you are free."

#30daychallenge Day 8

Since today was a really slack day, I shall post something a little less philosophical (if my earlier posts could be categorized as that) and more fun!

#30daychallenge Day 8

10 things that make you feel warm and fuzzy

Here goes the 10 things right off the top of my head!

1. Cuddling with Maomao, my Panda Pillow Pet

2. Staying up late at night, with only the glow from the computer, listening to the occasional car zoom past on the highway beside my house. Other than that, total silence really gives me a comforting feel. 

3. For now, falling asleep listening to classics, old school pop songs, and Chinese emo-nemo but thought-provoking songs, and waking up to them in the middle of the night. 

4. Thinking of all the countries I will travel to in the near future and roughly planning out itineraries really give me cheap thrills and something to look forward to.

5. Chilling with the people I love at random, tiny rustic cafes and eating Carbonara. Fun fact: If I have no idea what to eat at a restaurant, I would probably pick Carbonara because I have a knack for tasty white cream pasta that looks pretty. Or chilling with the people I love practically anywhere, even if its at the hawker center, I really don't mind. 

6. Sleeping the day away especially when it is raining and I can hear the wind howling and the trees swaying right outside my window. I remember a particular day when there was a light drizzle, I peeked out my window and saw baby sparrows being blown about by the wind, yet they flapped their wings twice as hard and managed to roost safely on a tree branch. I don't know why, but that gave me a really fuzzy feeling.

7. This is unhealthy, but recalling the past and feeling a wave of nostalgia rush past me every once in a while. I tend to over-think at night, and somehow reminiscing in the night magnifies that warm, familiar feeling by tens of times. 

8. Being with my grandmother, anywhere, anytime. It doesn't matter if I'm just chilling at her house (where I am most of the time), watching decade-old Pokemon videos with her and helping her prepare the most delicious home-cooked dishes, or outside eating at slightly pricier restaurants, as long as she's there, I feel right at home. 

9. Cuddling in bed with a book and finishing it in one sitting. Absolutely appreciate good books and can never tear my eyes off them if I don't need to. 

10. Watching classic movies. And rather than finding new movies to watch, I always go back to those classics. One case in point: Titanic. Never grows old. And even though those popular movies make me cry every single time, I feel a deep sense of fuzziness every time I watch them. 

Hope you had as much fun reading as I had writing this post! Something more light-hearted (: Posting this in the morning cos my computer died on me last night. Good morning everyone! x.

Screw all that.

Tonight, I don't want to think explicitly about what I want to write on this space.

I don't want to go through what I have written, again and again to ensure my punctuation, sentence structures are perfectly in place and are coherent.

I don't want to vet my post to make sure it looks visually appealing and digestible to whoever is reading this.

I just want to type, type until all these feelings go away. I absolutely hate feeling uncertain and unsure about nothing in particular at all. It is indeed strange how a feeling that you have felt hundreds of times over can spill out once again, presenting itself as an entirely new package, and tricks your brain into thinking that it IS a different, unique raw emotion. I know this sounds like pure nonsense, I know everyone goes through periods of time when their feeling seem to be all over the place, but I just need somewhere to lay all of these out, one by one.

Sometimes, there's someone on your mind, you want to pour out every single detail of your life to them. But when you turn around, you realize they just aren't there. Not physically, not emotionally, they're not even nearby. And then when you finally realize that you are helpless to change anything that's happening around you, you feel the crappy feelings starting to sink in. And that's exactly how I feel tonight. I will be back with a proper, thought-triggering post soon, but tonight, let me use this space to seek a certain solace.

Thank you.

ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOPQRSTUVWXYZ.

#30daychallenge Day 7

HELLO EVERYBODY!
I am finally back from a week's summer break in Taiwan, and I am thinking of doing a sole post on my experience. Still need to gather and categorize all the thoughts that are swimming around in my mind right now, but to put it in the most simplest of terms, Taiwan has been amazing, even with a daily dose of unhappiness along the way. I wouldn't trade that one week for anything else in the world, really.

Anyway! I did promise a post when I got back, and here it is! I don't really know whether anyone reads my blog, but I choose to believe in the positive, so a big hello to all of you that bother to click onto this space once in a while! I know that I have been really behind in writing, and I apologize for that. Will try to fit in more posts here alright?

I brought along a journal on my trip, in case my fingers started itching, and right when I boarded the plane, I started scribbling in my horrible handwriting already. I couldn't sleep because the plane's machinery was too noisy, and the seat space was too cramped, so I spent that few hours in the dim lights with my pen and paper. I'm just gonna transfer whatever I have written onto here, so here goes!

Day 7's topic for my #30daychallenge was to describe a feeling that never goes old a.k.a a feeling which you wouldn't mind experiencing over and over again. I really thought long and hard about this, because on a daily basis, we already feel a myriad of feelings right? This one struck me the most in a special way. Enjoy!

2nd July, 2013. 
1.31am

I once wrote somewhere that there were 2 feelings I loved to experience, yet I don't get to do that on a regular basis. They are the feelings that come when a plane takes off and when a plane lands. It is currently 1.30am, and I am currently on an aircraft bound for Taipei, Taiwan. I'm actually having mixed feelings about this trip somehow.. but for now, anticipation is at an all-time high. I miss everyone back home already, but that's another story for another time. 

Let's come back to my main point, shall we? Barely 25 minutes ago, the plane I'm on took off from Singapore's renowned Changi Airport. When I was a kid, I used to be really scared of planes, so the minute the plane I was on started taking off, I would squeeze my eyes shut, pop some sweets into my mouth, imagine I was somewhere else and willed the time to go faster for the plane to stabilize itself in the air. This time though, I kept my eyes open. I could see everything around me. 

I saw the plane rumble onto the runway. 
I saw the people around me doing what I did when I was a small child, all of them had their eyes closed and most of them had even fallen fast asleep. 

I felt the plane pick up speed as the wheels dragged along the tar road. And the moment when the plane's wheels left the ground, I tried to suppress my fears, and I peeped out the window. 

What greeted me was beautiful. We were flying above the sea, and there were countless ships and boats, strewn like litter across a wide expanse of water. Their lights were on, and they looked like toy lanterns scattered on the floor. Like the ones I saw in Phuket, Thailand, when it was the Loy Krathong festival and hundreds of lanterns were let go into the dark sea. I looked behind me, and the sunny island, which was engulfed in a blanket of night darkness, was lit up by a million tiny lights. I could make out buildings, roads and even tiny vehicles that were driving on the streets. Where were they headed to? 

5 minutes passed, and I could see the lights no more. Even now, as I look beneath me, all I see is darkness. Lights, to me, are a compass, guiding people to their destinations. But at least for this moment, I can't pinpoint my bearings at all. Yet, I feel surprisingly calm and peaceful. I love being in the air. 

See you in 3 and a half hours, Taipei. 

Thank you for reading, all of you. It's really much appreciated. (:

Byebye!

A thousand apologies for abandoning this space, I am really sorry! Will be leaving for Taiwan later tonight for a week, but I promise I will continue my #30daychallenge while I'm on holiday there! I even packed my notebook with me so that I will remind myself to write!

Am quite excited for the trip actually, praying that all goes well! And my camera, and Maomao are as ready as me! So long guys, see you all in a week!

Take care!

#30daychallenge Day 6

Hi guys! Sorry for the many hiatuses I have been taking from this space so far, have been caught up in so much stuff recently. The haze fiesta in Singapore has just passed (and won't come back again hopefully) and I thank God for sending winds to blow the haze and impure air away from this tiny island. Nursing a sore throat, cough and fly right now though, so hopefully that goes away soon too! I'm back with another #30daychallenge post, took so long to write this, but it's here now!

Today's topic was actually suggested by my friend, who's currently doing this challenge together with me! ^^ (you can visit her at www.xiaochabohh.blogspot.com) and I had quite a lot of fun envisioning and writing out the topic. Abit under the weather currently now though, so pardon me if my writing has been below-standard. Anywayyyy, enjoy!

#30daychallenge - Day 6

If I Were An Animal, What Would I Be?

22^nd June 2013

A small bullet whizzed through the clear blue sky on a bright summer morning. It moved at such a quick speed that it could barely be spotted by the humans that were far below on the ground. It had been flying for quite some time now, and along the way, it had seen endless fields of green littered with rustic red and white farmhouses and barnyards, winding rivers that glittered like crystals under the strong morning sunlight, brown and black specks of cattle that were sprawled all over the pastures beneath. The swallow would have to find a place to roost soon, its wings were getting tired.

I have always loved birds. When I was still a kid, I would see documentaries on TV that showed different species of birds, on land, in the sea, and in the air. I loved how they spread their wings so widely and flapped with such ease as they glided through the sky. Even in my most favourite classic literary piece, Heidi, I was fascinated most by the eagle that lived in the soaring peaks of the Alps, where she would return to every evening without fail. Then I closed my eyes and tried to imagine how her cries would echo off the mountain ridges into the valleys below so everyone would know she was there; home.

When I got my hands on my camera and started being a tad bit interested in photography, I snapped at whatever I could find. Trees, buildings, random people, everything. But then I remember when I was on a holiday in Yunnan, China and the tour guide was showing us around this national park. Coincidentally, it was winter time, and we were in time to spot the most beautiful gathering of gulls at the lake's edge. I couldn't stop being excited, in front of my eyes were flocks of gulls, too many white specks to count individually, and they were making such a ruckus pleading to be fed by the bird-lovers with crumbs in their hands. I randomly pointed my camera at a lone gull, roosting on the ground, and got the prettiest shot of it stretching its wings, looking so innocent and adorable. From then on, bird photography is something I always try to experiment with, because I love how majestic birds look on screen and in pictures.

If I had a chance to depend entirely on nature to keep me alive, to migrate from continent to continent following changing seasons and climates, to fly halfway across the world while feeling the different types of wind blowing past me, to see the whole earth from an aerial point of view, and have not a care in the world at all except where and how I was going to touchdown in my new environment, I would gladly be reborn as a bird. Flying high, and flying free.  

If you had a chance to be your favourite animal, what would it be? 

Thanks for reading! ^^