It already seems like the next few months at NIE will be super overwhelming in terms of workload and projects and assignments, same like how it was when I was in NUS, but one thing that I'm determined to do is to remind myself regularly that I must make the most out of it. Especially since I have regrets that I wish I had at least tried to fulfill in NUS but now I can no longer do so. I don't think I wanna make the same mistake again, and now I only have less than half a year here, I want to immerse myself fully and do my best in everything. And I know that when I finally graduate from here I will miss this place so damn much. Being a student again after working for a year has really forced me to readjust all my priorities once again and to focus on what's most important and meaningful to me. And I wanna practice what I have learnt over the past year.
As I sat on the ground on such a high point overlooking the entire school, I did a lot of thinking and reflecting on life in general. I know there are a lot of things I should be anxious about, and I should really start planning for the future as everyone says, but sometimes I really do just want to let things take its course, yet at the same time I hope everything will play out right for me. Too many things I want to achieve but I don't know how to go about doing so, and I guess there's no real way to going about doing each of them. Sometimes its frustrating to wait and wait and the thing you're waiting for never comes.
But with all the thinking and heart to heart talks, I am grateful. Grateful for all the experiences and even the regrets and horrible things that happened along the way, because my perspectives have undergone so many changes and I see things through a different, more mature lens now I hope. The stars in the sky that day amounted to hundreds, and they looked like someone just scattered them randomly across a black canvas but yet they still formed various patterns that I could barely just pick out. And even in the messy arrangement I still felt like they were meant to be where they were at that instance and that brought about a sense of peacefulness for me.
I want to remember the experience of sitting there doing absolutely nothing yet being so content and satisfied and I hope one day I can say the same about my life. I hope when I'm looking back at this post I will still remember whats on my mind at this very moment when I'm typing. And hopefully then I will be able to laugh at myself for worrying too much because what I want at this instant has already come true.
Thank You for helping me see the beauty of Your creation and helping me experience all these abstract thought processes. I won't forget.
