Heartfelt.

Today I was upset over something and for the first time in a really long time, I cried. I cried myself to sleep and gave myself 2 hours to cry everything out and promised to put all this behind me and try harder next time. Now I'm awake at 1.51am, with swollen puffy eyes, feeling so groggy but thankfully, also feeling so much better.

It's amazing how when you're upset people are there for you every step of the way, comforting you, asking after you regularly to make sure you're fine, even bearing with all your angsty, bitchy nonsense because they know you're just in a terrible mood and it will pass when you have cooled down. I'm sorry I have been such a horrible friend, only thinking of my own interests and ignoring what all of you have been trying to tell me. There's no reason to doubt my abilities when all of you believe in them so much. Need to start having more faith in my capabilities, but where to start?

I blogged once about being halfway up a ladder and a force constantly pushing you back. I know how that feels, and the feeling isn't something that one wants to experience, ever. Sure, setbacks help to build one's resilience, but what about multiple setbacks even after resilience has been built up so much? At some point, won't everything start crashing down, won't everything that has been accumulated start to crumble or crack at the lack of accomplishment? Tonight, I have crumbled, but I promise that I will get back on my feet, more importantly, start climbing that ladder again. I feel like I don't have enough time, but I know that's merely just an excuse. There's always gonna be time, it's how I'm planning on using that time. (Oh man, what a cliche again). I will finish this tough climb up, and emerge strong(er) than I am now.

I just happened to look out of my window. Everything looks so familiar, just as it always once was in the middle of the night. However, tonight, I see that the street lamps are glaring just a little bit brighter, I hear leaves rustling and falling onto the road (something I haven't seen for a long time), trees are swaying vigorously so it probably means it's going to rain, and I feel an impeccably strong sense of peace in my heart right now. I really hope this positive feeling lasts, cos I'm definitely going to need it. Thank God for helping me to see the light even in the darkness, all the time.